Tag: humor

What I Would Have Posted Yesterday

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

Had I been able to post yesterday (it wasn’t appropriate to post from the meeting, and I couldn’t from the airplane), I would have called your attention to the following:

  • Yesterday was the 40th anniversary of the airing of the first episode of Star Trek. Yay! I do have to admit that I didn’t watch it when I was 5-7. I discovered it in reruns.
  • Yesterday, the Onion reported that Caltech Physicists have successfully split a bill. Quoting from the article:

    Sequestered in a private booth at a Pasadena-area Cheesecake Factory for nearly 25 minutes, a party of eight California Institute Of Technology physicists emerged exhausted but visibly excited Friday evening after successfully splitting the bill.

    This is a very funny article; you should go read it. Thanks to mommyathome for bringing it to my attention.

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I Know I Shouldn’t Find This Funny, But…

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

Seen in the LA Times:

Dairy Farmer Found Dead in Manure Pit

A dairy owner died when his tractor sank into a manure pit, Fresno County authorities said Thursday. The deceased was riding his tractor between two open pits Tuesday when the wheels apparently slipped into about 5 feet of sludge. By the time help arrived, he had been in the manure too long to have survived, Sheriff’s Lt. Mark Padilla said. His body was recovered Wednesday morning.

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A Great Loss for a Rising Star

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a entertainer who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

[Snarfed from flashfire]

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Channeling Lizards for Right and Might

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

Watch this video from You Tube (“Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis”) by Eric Schwartz. It’s probably not safe to listen to at work (references to male organs), but it reminds me of some of the best targeted messages of the Austin Lounge Lizards. For those that can’t listen to it, here’s a sample of the lyrics:

Well I’m frickin’ sick and tired
Of turning on the news
And seeing the religious right’s
Ungodly fight to take our right to choose
When to bear our children
Who to love and how
Education and protection
If we’re just practicing for now
So dubya look obey a book
If that’s what works for you
But I don’t tell you how to pray
So don’t tell me how to screw
Chorus		     So you’re screaming bloody murder
‘Bout the taliban regime
For subjugating women
And being too extreme
And basing legislation
On some ancient holy book
Does that sound a bit familiar?
Here’s a mirror, have a look

And as for the ten commandments
They need one more at least
Thou shall never cover up
The acts of pervert priests
How’d they let that happen
Unless they just abhor us
Well anyway it adds
Another layer to the chorus
Chorus

It is as good a commentary on the behaviour of the “Christian Right” as “Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You“:

I know you smoke, I know you drink that brew
I just can’t abide a sinner like you
God can’t either, that’s why I know it to be true that
Jesus loves me–but he can’t stand you

I’m going to heaven, boys, when I die
‘Cause I’ve crossed every “t” and I’ve dotted every “i’
My preacher tell me that I’m God’s kind of guy; that’s why
Jesus loves me–but you’re gonna fry

Watch it. Highly recommended.

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