Lyrics: Birthday Dirge [Trad.]

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform, wearing a Viking hat (horns and all), strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and says:

I know you’re wondering what happened to my sharp lawman’s cowboy hat. We’ll, in honor of today’s song, I’ve decided to wear a different hat. I’ve also asked the Volga Boatmen to accompany me on this song. This is going out to you, [assignment: name]

He then clears his throat, takes out his guitar, plucks an “A” note, and then starts singing:

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now you’ve aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now that you’re the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it’s falling out, they say
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May the cities in your wake
Burn like candles on your cake,
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May your deeds with sheep and yaks
Equal those with sword and axe
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now you’ve lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Were I sitting in your shoes
I’d go out and sing the blues
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
When you’ve reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

 

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