Mates, this was stolen from cyan_blue. It was buried under the “X”:
Top Ten Halachic Questions for a Jewish Pirate
10. If you have a hook instead of a hand, which arm do you put tefillin on?
9. Does your treasure map show how far the eruv extends?
8. How long do you wait till after capturing a ship to put up a mezuzah in the cabin?
7. If Kalhua doesnt have a hashgacha, what rum do you make kiddush on?
6. Is owning a parrot assur cause it may cause you to speak lashon hora?
5. Do you take maaser on an unlocked treasure chest? Worse, what if there is chas v’shalom, chometz in there!?
4. Do you cover your eye patch with your hand when you say Shema?
3. Are you able to carry on the plank on shabbos? If your parrot is on your shoulder, is that carrying?
2. Is your pirate hat a zachor l’hamentashen? Can you wear a leather boot on your peg leg on Yom Kippur?
1. You have a wild beard, drink a lot, and always say “Ay-yay”: let’s face it: aren’t all pirates just Chassidim?