Today is… Oh, Never Mind

Today would have been National Gorilla Suit Day, however, last November, mark_evanier indicated that Don Martin’s widow had asked him not to mention him or his holiday. So, in celebration of the fact that today is Not National Gorilla Suit Day, please do not wear your gorilla suit. Keep it in the closet for another holiday.

However, do remember that not all gorilla suits look like gorilla suits, and although you might dress up a monkey, at heart, he’s still a chimp monkey. I’m sure we were all reminded of this earlier this week with the unimpressive State of the Union address. And so, in honor of chimps monkeys in suits everywhere, we present this song from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels:

Dress up a monkey in Armani,
He may seem precocious and cute.
Despite all that primpin’,
You still got a chimp in
a suit.

Teach him the second Verse of “Swanee”
And most of “Moon River” to boot.
Sure people will gape
But you still got an ape
in a suit.

Shprizt him ’til wet
With the Eau de Toilette
And you’re still gonna get
A stench.

Dampen him well
In a quart of Chanel,
It won’t cover the smell.
I should know, I’m French!

    Take him to see Don Giovanni,
Show him Cezanne’s lovely fruit,
Teach him to cook from Escoffier’s book,
He’s still a gorilla en croute
You still got a chimp in a suit.

So you’ve shaved off his fur,
Decked him out in couture
And endowed him with pure
Saviour Fare
You dressed him up fancy
And trained him to dance, he
Remains a chimpan-cee,
He’s not Fred Astaire!

Give him a dandy little topper,
Tie on a natty cravat
Buy him a castle,
He’ll still be an asshole
And nothing you do will change that
He’s still just a stinky little minkey
In a dinky little suit

And a cheap little hat!