What A Way To Die

Three stories from today’s news truly fall into the bizarre death categories. If the writer’s weren’t on strike, I’d expect these to show up on a future CSI episode:

  • From the “Chip off the Old Block” Department: The LA Times is reporting that an Anaheim resident was working with a wood-chipping machine when suddenly, “he was gone”. One minute, he was throwing branches in the chipper. The next minute…. Well, according to the article, authorities took the wood chipper and the truck attached to it to a parking structure at the coroner’s office, where they plan to dismantle it. “We’ll just be trying to gather as much of the remains as we can,” said Supervising Deputy Coroner Larry Esslinger.
  • From the “He Makes Quite an Impression” Department: The San Diego Union Tribune is reporting that a 27-year old worker from Vista was killed when he was crushed in a hydraulic press Tuesday afternoon. The employee was working with the press when he tried to retrieve a piece of plastic and became caught between the two halves of the heavy machinery. Ugh.
  • From the “Shades of Chuckles the Clown” Department: Fox News is reporting that a Southhampton VA man was found dead and buried under a large pile of peanuts in a warehouse at the Severn Peanut Company where he worked. Worker reported him missing around noon Tuesday, and two hours later, he was found… dead in a warehouse where the peanuts are funneled into loose piles and then later pumped out into trucks. There was no indication of foul play.

Now, I know these are tragic losses for their family, but as an outside observer… all that I can think of is all that Chuckles asked for, “A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.”