Who Writes These Headlines?

Washington Post: Well-Paid Benefit From Economy
No shit! What do you expect: “Economy booms. Poor do great. Businessmen lose their shirts.”

The Futon Critic: George Stroumboulopoulos named Host of ABC’s ‘The One’
You know, I remember the days when actors would shorten their professional names.

New York Times: N.Y. Building Collapse Is Blamed on Gas Explosion
Two words. Mongo. Beans.

CNN: Congress having trouble passing anything
Two words. Mongo. Beans.
Alternate responses: (1) One word. Metamucil; (2) Gee, I always knew Congress was full of…

Los Angeles Times: Senate to Hear Detainee Issue After Recess
And the teacher said they could play dodgeball too!

SJ Mercury News: Newlyweds registering for dollars, not presents
But I can never seem to get that $100 with the serial number I want.