Tag: wtf

Do You Have The Heart For It?

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

I hold your hand in mine, dear
I press it to my lips
I take a healthy bite from
your dainty fingertips.

My joy would be complete, dear
If you were only here.
But still I keep your hand
As a precious souvenir.


In news that echos the famous Tom Lehrer song, the San Francisco Chronicle is reporting that San Mateo County coroner is hot water after retaining the heart of Nicholas Picon after an autopsy. Nicholas, you see, died from an undetected heart defect last fall, and the San Mateo County coroner kept his heart after his autopsy. It is one of 105 organs the San Mateo coroner has kept from about 1,800 autopsies since 2004. All of this is perfectly legal, for there is a little-known state law that allows authorities to keep body parts after autopsies without notifying relatives.

Here’s what I think is the excessively creepy part. His parents (who have gotten the heart returned) maintain a three-tiered glass case in their home that holds mementos of Nicholas: his black baseball cap, his Jimi Hendrix tie and photos of him with his guitar and with his family. The couple keeps his heart in a polished, inlaid wooden box in their bedroom.

At least it’s not a chicken heart. We all know how dangerous those (thump-thump, thump-thump) can be.

All together now…

The night you died I cut it off,
I really don’t know why.
For now each time I kiss it,
I get bloodstains on my tie.

I’m sorry now I killed you,,
For our love was something fine!
Until they come to get me,
I shall hold your hand in mine!


Wait, what’s at the door? Hello. (thump-thump, thump-thump) Aaaagh! (gulp).

And the chicken heart grew….

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Oh, Dr. Freud. Oh, Dr. Freud…

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

[I heard this on NPR as I was starting my car this morning. Sometimes, these things just write themselves. Oh, and the song I chose for this is just so appropriate.]

According to the Associated Press, New York City has plans to release New York City-branded condoms. You see, New York City hands out 1.5 million free condoms a month in ordinary wrappers, and health officials figure people would be more likely to actually use them if the packaging were more distinctive. According to the Health Commisioner, “Brands work, and people use branded items more than they use non-branded items, whether it’s a cola or a medicine”. The free condoms go to hundreds of organizations, which distribute them at health clinics and advocacy groups, bars, restaurants, nightclubs, nail salons and prisons. By comparison, the Los Angeles County health department gives out just over a million condoms per year. By having a distinctive condom and wrapper, they can determine the impact of the program. According to the health department, “If they describe our wrapper, then we’ll know that they would have used our condom”.

However, NYC was faced with the question of what to print on the condoms. Their decision? According to the health department, which uses the condom program to fight AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, it still considering package designs… but among the possibilities: a subway theme, with the various lines shown in different colors.

Subways? Oh, where’s Dr. Freud when we need him.

I have the answer. Long, tall pointy buildings. Certainly, the Empire State.

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Talking to God

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

According to CNN, Pat Robertson has said that God spoke to him, and God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would cause a “mass killing” late in 2007. As to whether it would be nuc-u-lar, Robertson said “The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.” God also said, he claims, that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

His past track record is pretty good, according to CNN. Robertson suggested in January 2006 that God punished then-Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon with a stroke for ceding Israeli-controlled land to the Palestinians. The broadcaster predicted in January 2004 that President Bush would easily win re-election.

But, then again, in May, Robertson said God told him that storms and possibly a tsunami were to crash into America’s coastline in 2006.

Robertson also said that God accepts Master Card and Visa.

Well, maybe not the last part. God does accept Discover, however.

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Living By The Sword…

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

According to the New York Times, a high school senior in Portsmouth, RI has had his high shool refuse to use a yearbook photograph of him that he supplied. Why would a school do this? What could be so bad? I mean, the student in question thinks, “I just really like the picture, and it’s one of the first good photos I’ve taken in a long time.”

What’s the problem? According to the school, the picture ran afoul of its zero-tolerance weapons policy. In particular, according to Robert Littlefield, the principal, “Students wielding weapons is just not consistent with our existing policies or the mission of the school”. However, the school has offered to let the student buy a yearbook ad showing the photo. According to Steven Brown, executive director of the Rhode Island branch of the ACLU, “I guess they think it’s a danger to the school system on Page 6, but not on Page 26”. The schools response was that it had higher standards for editorial content than for advertising.

Further, it should be noted that that the school mascot is a Revolutionary War soldier carrying a rifle. According to the school respresentative, “That’s an entirely different issue. I don’t think anybody could reasonably construe a cartoon depiction of a soldier from 250 years ago as a threat to our educational environment.”

So what was this student’s crime? What was so bad about the picture? Was he carrying an Uzi or an AKI 47? Was he toting his gun in front of an NRA banner? What he threatening small babies with a bayonet? Was he holding handguns and brandishing gang symbols?

No. He was dressed in medieval chain mail, with a broadsword over his shoulder. It appears that this student comes by his interest in chain mail naturally; his uncle makes chain mail, and his mother sells it at fairs. He also belongs to the Society for Creative Anachronism, which promotes re-enactments of medieval history. The lawyer for the school noted that “There have been two instances in the past of kids wanting to pose with weapons. One was a Civil War re-enacter, with a musket, and another was a marksman, and in both cases, we let them take out ads.”

Personally, I think this goes too far. I think a distinction needs to be made between students who study and immerse themselves in history, and those who use weapons and gangs to menace in the present day. Groups such as SCA and Civil War reenactors (as well as Ren Faire folk) are focused on education and living history, which is education in and of itself. Such students often learn more than in the classrooms: they learn the social morees, societal aspects, and responsibilities, and should be recognized for their dedication, not ostracized.

Although my feelings towards the ACLU is sometimes mixed (although I generally support them), this is one case I hope they win.

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So What Do Jewish Goths Do?

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

According to the Dallas Morning News, and reported via a number of sources, there’s a new “in” color for Christmas trees.

Black.

Yes, black is the new green, or white, or silver. It started in the UK last year, when the Brits embraced the dark side — black trees with black trunks and black branches. According to Susan Rose, editor of Britain’s Ideal Home magazine, “Black-and-white has been a strong interiors trend for a couple of years now. If you want to do an elegant, sophisticated Christmas, black is the way to do it.”

Now, just like Harry Potter and the Spice Girls, Black trees are a hit in America. According to Bill Quinn of ChristmasTreeForMe.com, the black trees that he stocks are selling well (although I should note, for dianec42, that he stocks a purple tree as well, as well as upside-down trees, red trees, and aqua trees).

Black trees. What is the world coming to?

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News of the Absurd: Indecent Exposure: Men Only Need Apply

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

According to the Los Angeles Times, a Riverside judge has ruled that the Indecent Exposure statues apply only to men because the law mentions someone who “exposes his person”, and is thus gender-specific. In doing so, he dismissed a misdemeanor charge against a Corona woman who was cited in May after parents of a neighbor boy said she showed him full-frontal nudity as he played basketball. The prosecutor said the decision to throw out the case will be appealed because another section of state law says that “words used in the masculine gender include the feminine and neuter.”

Evidently, the woman had complained that the 14-year-old was making too much noise while playing basketball. She went out on her sundeck, disrobed, and threatened to do it every time he played basketball. The boy told his parents, and the parents called the police.

Although I can understand the parent’s logic, if this had happened when I was a 14-yo boy, I’d suddenly be playing basketball.

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If You Fry It, They Will Eat It

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

The Los Angeles Times has an article today about Charlie Boghosian. Never heard of him? He runs Chicken Charlie’s at county fairs, including the LA County Fair and Orange County Fair, and his goal is to be an innovator in fried foods. For example, Charlie was the inventor of the deep-fried Twinkie. He next tried deep-fried Ding-Dongs and Snowballs, but the batter kept falling off. Deep-fried Oreos, however, were a success. Next was deep-fried bananas (topped with chocolate syrup, whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles). This was followed by deep-fried strawberries, then deep-fried avocados with tomatoes, and this year, deep-fried olives and pickles. He keeps experimenting and innovating: working on deep-fried vanilla wafers, deep-fried Fig Newtons, deep-fried peaches (placing a scoop of ice-cream where the pit would have been). He’s also working on deep-fried churros.

But deep-frying isn’t Boghosian’s only innovation. This year, Boghosian’s new item is the Krispy Kreme Chicken and Swiss sandwich with a side of honey. Imagine a jelly doughnut hollowed out, cut in half and garnished with a fried chicken patty and slice of gooey Swiss cheese. Yum. Can’t you hear those arteries harden?

Boghosian isn’t the only innovator out there. Other innovations from this year’s Texas State Fair (say “Hi” to Big Tex [“Howdy, folks. Welcome to the State Fair of Texas”]) include deep-fried coke (think Coca-cola in the batter) [from Abel Gonzales, who came up with a deep-fried peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwich last year], deep-fried pralines, the deep-fried Cosmopolitan (fried pastry filled with cheesecake and topped with a cranberry glaze and a lime wedge), deep-fried Choco-ritos (flour tortillas stuffed with marshmallows, coconut, candy bar pieces, caramel morsels and cinnamon then dipped in pancake batter and deep-fried), deep-fried Mac-n-cheese (large scoops of macaroni and cheese, covered with a layer of garlic- and herb-flavored bread crumbs and deep fried). There are also deep-fried Snickers and deep-fried Scotch Eggs (a hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage, breaded and deep-fried). Want health food? How about deep-fried broccoli, deep-fried artichoke hearts, deep-fried cauliflower (invented by Boghosian for this year’s Orange County Fair, after deep-fried edible flowers failed), or deep-fried mushrooms.

Perhaps Argon should open up a booth at the fairs to recover the oil. Never has my userpic been more appropriate. I leave you to the rest of your lunch.

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Are We Being Watched?

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

[Musings on a quiet Friday afternoon, just before vacation.]

After reading articles like this, sometimes I wonder if I’m not living in a set for a Penn & Teller Episode. In particular, this episode (see clip), where they convince people it is necessary to have 10 different recycling trash cans in order to help the environment. If you believe that, then you’ll believe that by not bringing your bottle of Arrowhead Water or your sunscreen on the plane, you’ll be safe when you fly.

Next time I’m at the airport, I think I’ll look for the camera.

[Credit to graemeperrow and cut_the_chatter for the first blog link]

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