OK, Folks, you know the drill. Let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform, wearing a Viking hat (horns and all), strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and says:
I know you’re wondering what happened to my sharp lawman’s cowboy hat. We’ll, in honor of today’s song, I’ve decided to wear a different hat. I’ve also asked the Volga Boatmen to accompany me on this song. This is going out to you, darkfuzzyheart.
He then clears his throat, takes out his guitar, plucks an “A” note, and then starts singing:
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now you’ve aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now that you’re the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it’s falling out, they say
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May the cities in your wake
Burn like candles on your cake,
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May your deeds with sheep and yaks
Equal those with sword and axe
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now you’ve lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Were I sitting in your shoes
I’d go out and sing the blues
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
When you’ve reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
Happy Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
The Sheriff turns again to the camera, and says, “We have a second birthday today, boys and girls”. He puts down his guitar, and pulls out his accordion. He then starts singing the Birthday Cake Polka for kethraj:
| Put another candle on my birthday cake We’re gonna bake a birthday cake Put another candle on my birthday cake I’m another year old today I’m gonna have a party with my birthday cake |
We’ll have some pie and sandwiches And chocolate ice cream too We’ll sing and play the day away And one more thing I’m gonna do I’ll blow out the candles on my birthday cake Happy Birthday to You |
[Yes, it’s here. The 5th Annual Birthday Song Poll. So, if you want to make sure that the Sheriff sings the song you want, please fill out the poll. Note that if you want the birdie to be able to inform the Sheriff about your birthday, you need to make sure your birth month and day is in your profile, and it is visible to your friends. If you are a Facebook user and on LJ, please make sure I can connect your Facebook name with your LJ name. If you are a Facebook only user, you can’t vote in the poll until Facebook does OpenID, so get an LJ account!]
