Three Famous Lies

We all know the three famous lies: (1) the check is in the mail; (2) I’m from the government, and I’m here to help; and (3) the dog ate my homework. Well, the third one is debatable, with some believing it is (3) sure, I have protection (or something along that line). But here are three lies from today’s news:

  1. This government does not torture people.” [G. W. Bush]. We do, however, use a combination of techniques such as head slaps, freezing temperatures and simulated drownings, known as waterboarding. Torture we reserve for congress, as we make them listen to the State of the Union speech.
  2. I did not use steroids, it was flavored oil” [Marion Jones] Right. And Barry Bonds broke the homerun record on his own.
  3. We trust Blackwater” [Condi Rice]. We trust them so much, we’re putting in video cameras and chaperones to monitor them.