Headlines. Get’cher Headlines Here

#1: CNN: Bush spokesman Snow has growth in abdomen

  • … Subsequent analysis has shown that illegal aliens are slowly taking over the administration.
  • … Snow later admits, “I’m carrying George’s love child, and I don’t care who knows.”

#2: CNN: Man arrested in delivery of dog’s head to neighbor

  • … Sources say he erred by not using UPS.
  • … That’s what you get for not using a lifetime stamp.

#3: NYTIMES: Brain Injury Said to Affect Moral Choices

  • … Scientists say finding explains the Moral Majority.
  • … Conservatives claim this as proof Homosexuality is curable.

#4: LATIMES: Giuliani, Wife Each Married Three Times:

  • … Rudy is quoted as saying, “Take that, Mitt”
  • … Gives a new meaning to “Sex in the City”, doesn’t it?

#5: CNN: Cosmetic surgery rates up; breasts most popular

  • … Surveys indicate it is easier for boobs to get elected.
  • … In related news, balloon manufacturers indicate their business is swelling…

#6: NYTIMES: The Year Without Toilet Paper

  • … Participants indicate it is a pretty crappy existance.
  • … Observers thought those who wanted to do it were full of shit.

Of course, feel free to add your own. I’m here all week. Try the haddock sandwich… it’s delicious… early in the week.