In Honor of the Day

Go visit your grandmother,
Go tell your granny that you care.
Don’t you know how glad she would be
To look up and see
You standing there?
So go visit your grandmother,
Go tell her everything’s all right.
At the end of the play,
Call a cabbie and say:
“Take me to granny tonight.”

Go visit your grandmother,
And you might even bring her flowers.
Go and take her out for a walk,
Or maybe you’ll talk
For hours and hours.
Go visit your grandmother
As soon as you applaud the play.
Give her her due,
Sonny, you owe it to
Every granny in the U.S.A.

    Don’t be a louse like your brother Miltie
He doesn’t know the meaning of guilty.
He likes to call her an alte-kocker,
Someday he’ll shock her off her rocker.
Just you be nicer than he is,
Go give the little lady a laugh.
You went to Fire Island this summer,
For God’s sake, show her the photograph!
One thing I’m going to tell you,
This truth is plainer than day:
If it wasn’t for that little old darling,
Where the hell would you be today?

So give her her due,
Sonny, you owe it to
Every granny in the U.S.A.,
Every granny in the U.S.A.
(And write one hell of a note!)

(From 70 Girls 70, Music by John Kander, Lyrics by Fred Ebb)

P.S. to mommyathome: Please pass our Mothers Day regards to your mom on our behalf.

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Various and Sundry

  • Today is National Napping Day. Alas, I’m not tired. Wouldn’t ‘ya know it. Perhaps I should clean up my office.
  • My shoulder is bothering me today. Actually, it’s been bothering me all weekend. Actually2, it’s been bothering me off and on since I was in Lanham MD in late February. The morning after I saw estherchaya and family, I slipped in the shower and ended up on my rump, with my left arm on the side of the tub. Since then, my left ankle has periodically been sort, and the muscle in my upper left arm has been sore, to the point of limiting motion. Its now gotten to the point where my lower arm is vaguely sore (but I’m sure that’s radiated pain); Karen says it feels like the muscle in the arm is cramping. I just hope I didn’t tear anything; I’d be worried about surgery on my left shoulder when I’m left handed. I’ll bring this up when I see the doctor for my “annual physical” on Friday. In general, I think such physicals are good things, as I’m one who is loath to make an appt. to see the doctor.
  • Actually3, the end of this week is a medical smorgesborg: internist on Friday morning, dentist on Friday afternoon, and optometrist on Saturday morning.
  • Actually4, Saturday’s going to be really busy, as on the way back from the optometrist (we all have appointments), we will be visiting the LA Bureau of Sanitation Compost Bin Pickup. This will allow us to pickup two Earth Machine‘s (covered compost bins) for $20 each. I prefer the covered bins to my open bin; it builds up the heat faster.


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Holiday Music

I did this post last year. It is still applicable this year, so I feel like repeating it.

During this time of year, we are normally innudated with Christmas music. Now, if you happen to like Christmas music, that’s great. If you don’t (or if you’re not Christian), turning on the radio on December 1st is a moment you dread. Yet, this post is about Christmas (and holiday) music… specifically, the kind of music that you do not hear on the radio.

The question: What are your three favorite holiday songs or recordings that do not get commercial airplay or publicity? Provide the lyrics if you can (behind a cut)

Here are mine:

1. Christmas Dinner (Noel Paul Stookey 1969)
Although I’m not Christian, to me, this song embodies what I feel should be the spirit of the holiday. Alas, perhaps for that reason, I’ve never heard it played commercially.
[Originally recorded on the album Peter, Paul, and Mommy]

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What do you mean you cooked the turkey, Charlie?

In honor of the day. Enjoy your roast eagle, with all the trimmings, with your family. I know I will:

Take an Indian To Lunch

Take an Indian to lunch this week
Show him we’re a regular bunch this week
Show him we’re as liberal as can be
Let him know he’s almost as good as we

Make a feathered friend feel fed this week
Overlook the fact he’s red this week
Let him share our Quaker Oats
‘Cause he’s useful when he votes
Take an Indian to lunch

Two, four, six, eight, who do we tolerate
Indians, Indians, rah; rah; rah

Take an Indian to lunch this week
Let him sit right down and munch this week
Let’s give in and all do the brotherhood bit
Just make sure we don’t make a habit of it

Take an Indian to dine this week
Show him we don’t draw the line this week
We know everyone can’t be
As American as we
(After all, we came over on the Mayflower)
Take an Indian
(Not a wooden Indian)
But a real, live Indian
To lunch!

The Luncheon Under The Trees

Narrator: Needless to say, the luncheon there under the trees was a great success, and a good time was had by Puritan and Indian alike. Everything came off beautifully with the exception of one minor catastrophe.

Mayor: What do you mean you cooked the turkey, Charlie?
Charlie: Well, I cooked the turkey, that’s all.
Mayor: You put our national bird in the oven. Is that correct?
Charlie: Yeah, well I, uh …
Mayor: And all of us had our mouths set for roast eagle with all the trimmings.
Charlie: Yeah, well I, uh …
Mayor: You did a thing like that?
Charlie: Well, the two birds were lying there side by side.
Mayor: The *turkey* was for the centerpiece, Charlie, I mean …
Charlie: Well, they looked so much alike that I, uh …
Mayor: Well, we blew it now. They’re all sitting down at the tables out there.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Mayor: … starting on their little nut cups already. Just have to switch the birds, that’s all.
Charlie: Yeah, well …
Mayor: Serve them turkey instead of eagle. But it’s kinda scrawny-lookin’, isn’t it?
Charlie: Yeah, well I thought I’d stuff some old bread in it and make it look a little fatter.
Mayor: You do that, OK?

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It wasn’t on the disclosure form…

…we had something like 300-400 kids tonight. It seems that everyone and their brother brings their kids to our neighborhood to go trick or treating. Evidently, a neighbor down the street had his house decorations on the news, and there used to be a haunted house on ths street. I think between 6:30 and 7:30, I never sat down!

Still, it was fun. I took my daughter out, and got a chance to introduce myself to most of the neighbors.

But I’m tired!

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I only have a few dubloons on me, so if you direct me to the nearest bank, I’ll get a check cashed

In 1961, the humorist Stan Freberg issued Volume 1 of The United States of America, a musical telling of the founding of America through the Battle of Yorktown (Volume 2 goes through the end of World War I (“They’ll never be another war…”)). The first scene on Volume 1 relates the story of how the Indians discovered Columbus. As today is Columbus Day, I present a transcription of the scene:

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