Birthday Wishes for talonvaki

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Allright everyone, let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and pulls out his electric guitar. He plugs it into the amp, and starts singing today’s birthday song for talonvaki:

Allright, Ralph…happy birthday…you freak…
You’re breakin’ hearts and you’re breakin’ guitars
Today’s your birthday and you don’t even know how old you are
You’re in love with every woman from tyler
You went swimming in the ocean with my goddamn dialer
You used to be fat, I think then I liked you best
‘Cuz now you’re skinny, I’m chubby,
And you make fun of my breasts
And I’m sorry, but this may sound weird
But you gotta do something ’bout the food in your beard

Happy birthday, Ralph
I love you
Even though you are fuckin’ disgusting
Happy birthday, Ralph
I love you
Even though you are fuckin’ disgusting

You can’t wear your bike hat because of your hair
Wherever you go, you break everything everywhere
This year, sixth gear, now get on your way
(Shut off the stereo chorus, and the digital delay.)

      Some people, they think, they think you’re
Rhastafarian
And they ask you for pot
I think I like it, I know I like it
I like it a lot because, because it pisses you off
So for your birthday
I got you some hawaiian punch on tap
Age p.o.t.
So now you can stop borrowing my stuff
And trying your new Kung Fu moves out on me

Happy birthday, Ralph
I love you
Even though you are fuckin’ disgusting
Happy birthday, Ralph
I love you
Even though you are fuckin’ disgusting

You can’t wear your bike hat because of your hair
Wherever you go, you break everything everywhere
This year, sixth gear, now get on your way
(Shut off the stereo chorus, and the digital delay.)

Happy birthday, Ralph, I love you
Even though you have a beard (are fuckin’)
Happy birthday, Ralph, I love you
Even though you are perverted and weird

Happy birthday, Ralph, I love you

The Sheriff looks mildly disturbed after singing this, and walks off the set, mumbling to himself “kids and their music these days…”

[Did you know you can pick which song the Sheriff sings for you on your birthday? It’s easy. Just visit the 6th Annual Birthday Poll on Livejournal or the parallel note on Facebook. Note that if you want the birdie to be able to inform the Sheriff about your birthday, you need to make sure your birth month and day is in your LJ or FB profile, and it is visible to your friends. Note that the Sheriff only sings a song if I know you personally or you’re a regular commenter. So don’t lurk!]

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Birthday Wishes for darkfuzzyheart and kethraj

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform, wearing a Viking hat (horns and all), strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and says:

I know you’re wondering what happened to my sharp lawman’s cowboy hat. We’ll, in honor of today’s song, I’ve decided to wear a different hat. I’ve also asked the Volga Boatmen to accompany me on this song. This is going out to you, darkfuzzyheart.

He then clears his throat, takes out his guitar, plucks an “A” note, and then starts singing:

Read More …

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Birthday Wishes for llennhoff

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Allright everyone, let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and says: OK, Lunch Brigaders, today we have a special song going out to llennhoff in honor of her special day. He pulls out his guitar, slicks back his hair in the manner of They Might Be Giants, and starts singing:

You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re older still

Time is marching on
And time is still marching on

    This day will soon be at an end
And now it’s even sooner
And now it’s even sooner
And now it’s even sooner
This day will soon be at an end
And now it’s even sooner
And now it’s sooner still

You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re older still

[Did you know you can pick which song the Sheriff sings for you on your birthday? It’s easy. Just visit the 6th Annual Birthday Poll on Livejournal or the parallel note on Facebook. Note that if you want the birdie to be able to inform the Sheriff about your birthday, you need to make sure your birth month and day is in your LJ or FB profile, and it is visible to your friends. Note that the Sheriff only sings a song if I know you personally or you’re a regular commenter. So don’t lurk!]

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Birthday Wishes for barnabas_truman

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Allright everyone, let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and pulls out his accordion, and then starts singing the Birthday Cake Polka for barnabas_truman:

Put another candle on my birthday cake
We’re gonna bake a birthday cake
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

I’m gonna have a party with my birthday cake
Come on and take some birthday cake
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

    We’ll have some pie and sandwiches
And chocolate ice cream too
We’ll sing and play the day away
And one more thing I’m gonna do

I’ll blow out the candles on my birthday cake
And when I do, a wish I’ll make
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

Happy Birthday to You
You’re another year old today.

[Did you know you can pick which song the Sheriff sings for you on your birthday? It’s easy. Just visit the 6th Annual Birthday Poll on Livejournal or the parallel note on Facebook. Note that if you want the birdie to be able to inform the Sheriff about your birthday, you need to make sure your birth month and day is in your LJ or FB profile, and it is visible to your friends. Note that the Sheriff only sings a song if I know you personally or you’re a regular commenter. So don’t lurk!]

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Birthday Wishes for whalejudge

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform, wearing a Viking hat (horns and all), strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and says:

I know you’re wondering what happened to my sharp lawman’s cowboy hat. We’ll, in honor of today’s song, I’ve decided to wear a different hat. I’ve also asked the Volga Boatmen to accompany me on this song. This is going out to you, whalejudge.

He then clears his throat, takes out his guitar, plucks an “A” note, and then starts singing:

Read More …

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Birthday Wishes for kuni_izumi

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Allright everyone, let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and pulls out his accordion, and then starts singing the Birthday Cake Polka for kuni_izumi:

Put another candle on my birthday cake
We’re gonna bake a birthday cake
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

I’m gonna have a party with my birthday cake
Come on and take some birthday cake
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

    We’ll have some pie and sandwiches
And chocolate ice cream too
We’ll sing and play the day away
And one more thing I’m gonna do

I’ll blow out the candles on my birthday cake
And when I do, a wish I’ll make
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

Happy Birthday to You
You’re another year old today.

[Did you know you can pick which song the Sheriff sings for you on your birthday? It’s easy. Just visit the 6th Annual Birthday Poll on Livejournal or the parallel note on Facebook. Note that if you want the birdie to be able to inform the Sheriff about your birthday, you need to make sure your birth month and day is in your LJ or FB profile, and it is visible to your friends. Note that the Sheriff only sings a song if I know you personally or you’re a regular commenter. So don’t lurk!]

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Birthday Wishes for kay_gmd

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Allright everyone, let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and pulls out his accordion, and then starts singing the Birthday Cake Polka for kay_gmd:

Put another candle on my birthday cake
We’re gonna bake a birthday cake
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

I’m gonna have a party with my birthday cake
Come on and take some birthday cake
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

    We’ll have some pie and sandwiches
And chocolate ice cream too
We’ll sing and play the day away
And one more thing I’m gonna do

I’ll blow out the candles on my birthday cake
And when I do, a wish I’ll make
Put another candle on my birthday cake
I’m another year old today

Happy Birthday to You
You’re another year old today.

[Did you know you can pick which song the Sheriff sings for you on your birthday? It’s easy. Just visit the 6th Annual Birthday Poll on Livejournal or the parallel note on Facebook. Note that if you want the birdie to be able to inform the Sheriff about your birthday, you need to make sure your birth month and day is in your LJ or FB profile, and it is visible to your friends. Note that the Sheriff only sings a song if I know you personally or you’re a regular commenter. So don’t lurk!]

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Birthday Wishes for gyesika

OK, Folks, you know the drill. Allright everyone, let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and says: OK, Lunch Brigaders, today we have a special song going out to gyesika in honor of her special day. He pulls out his guitar, slicks back his hair in the manner of They Might Be Giants, and starts singing:

You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re older still

Time is marching on
And time is still marching on

    This day will soon be at an end
And now it’s even sooner
And now it’s even sooner
And now it’s even sooner
This day will soon be at an end
And now it’s even sooner
And now it’s sooner still

You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
And now you’re even older
You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re older still

[Did you know you can pick which song the Sheriff sings for you on your birthday? It’s easy. Just visit the 6th Annual Birthday Poll on Livejournal or the parallel note on Facebook. Note that if you want the birdie to be able to inform the Sheriff about your birthday, you need to make sure your birth month and day is in your LJ or FB profile, and it is visible to your friends. Note that the Sheriff only sings a song if I know you personally or you’re a regular commenter. So don’t lurk!]

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