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[Today is Columbus Day, and, FYI, the banks are closed. Thus, it is all together fitting and appropriate to remind people why we do this… to give bankers 3-day weekends :-)]<\/p>\n[Today is Columbus Day, and, FYI, the banks are closed. Thus, it is all together fitting and appropriate to remind people why we do this… to give bankers 3-day weekends :-)]<\/p>\n
In 1961, the humorist Stan Freberg issued Volume 1 of The United States of America<\/a>, a musical telling of the founding of America through the Battle of Yorktown (Volume 2 goes through the end of World War I (“They’ll never be another war…”)). The first scene on Volume 1 relates the story of how the Indians discovered Columbus. As today is Columbus Day, I present a transcription of the scene:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n NARR:<\/strong> 1492, Madrid. The Queen of Spain grants an audience to an obscure Italian sailor. There, in her chambers, plans are made destined to change the course of history. ANNOUNCE:<\/strong> His Majesty, King Ferdinand.<\/p>\n QI:<\/strong> (gasp) The King. QI: <\/strong>Good afternoon dear. How was the inquisition? Amusing? QI: <\/strong>Crazy? I’ll tell you how crazy. He’s a man with a dream, a vision. A vision of a new world, whose alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears. With purple mountains magestied above the 2 cents plain CC: <\/strong>Is that moving? Was that a great bit? CC: <\/strong>I did\u2014they bought “The Price is Right” CC: <\/strong>Then I have your permission to sail? KF: <\/strong>Would you get out of here? (footsteps) Strange, he left by the balcony. (on ship) 1st Mate: <\/strong>Admiral Columbus, sir. The men are weary, on the point of madness. KF: <\/strong>I still can’t see what you needed three ships for? Crew: <\/strong>Rumble. Rumble. Rumble. Mutiny. Mutiny. Mutiny.<\/p>\n CC: <\/strong>I see what you mean. I’ll jump up here on the rigging and speak to them. CC: <\/strong>Now hear this! This is the Admiral speaking. I know the going has been rough, but if you can just hold out a little while. CC: <\/strong>It’s a round, round world I contend it’s round,<\/em> KF: <\/strong>Flat Flat world CC: <\/strong>Friend, Get hip KF: <\/strong>It’s a miracle if it is<\/em><\/p>\n CC:<\/strong> Square, square king Crew: <\/strong>Yo, ho, ho and a Dramamine [Simultaneously:]<\/p>\n KF: <\/strong><\/strong>All week long on a hardtack bun CC: <\/strong>Round, round world [Simultaneously:]<\/p>\n Crew: <\/strong>Crazy kind of scheme <\/strong>CC: <\/strong>Get hip KF: <\/strong>It’s a miracle if it is<\/em><\/p>\n [Simultaneously:]<\/p>\n Crew: <\/strong>Yo, ho, ho through the wind and rain <\/strong>CC: <\/strong>Square, square crew [Simultaneously:]<\/p>\n CC: <\/strong> If you don’t believe<\/em> KF: <\/strong>I feel like a red witch having a wake CC: <\/strong>Isabella and Ferdinand<\/em> Both: <\/strong>New rulers of this round, round world<\/em> KF: <\/strong>Well, for all our sakes, I hope that… KF: <\/strong>What was that? Crew: <\/strong>Hurray<\/p>\n CC: <\/strong>Quickly, hand me the glass. KF: <\/strong>Alright, alright, give the kid top billing. CC: <\/strong>No, no, what you’re holding in your hand. IC: <\/strong>You have a dream? CC: <\/strong>Now right here would be a good location for the restaurant, ocean view and all that. Is there room for a parking lot? CC: <\/strong>I suppose. Well, I’d like to put a little deposit down on the property, here… IC: <\/strong>You out of luck today. Banks closed. Simultaneously:<\/p>\n CC:<\/strong> Round, round world Indians:<\/strong> Yo, ho, ho and a buckskin sleeve Indians:<\/strong> In an Indian extravaganza CC: <\/strong>Please don’t call us, we’ll call you<\/em><\/p>\n KF: <\/strong>Step aside pal, meet the new<\/em> [Today is Columbus Day, and, FYI, the banks are closed. Thus, it is all together fitting and appropriate to remind people why we do this… to give bankers 3-day weekends :-)] In 1961, the humorist Stan Freberg issued Volume 1 of The United States of America, a musical telling of the founding of America through Read More …<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[364],"tags":[165,164],"class_list":["post-6420","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous","tag-freberg","tag-special-days"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6420","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6420"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6420\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8630,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6420\/revisions\/8630"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6420"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6420"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6420"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nCOLUMBUS (CC):<\/strong> Alright, we’ll go over it once again. First you hock the jewels, you give me the money and I buy the ships. Then I discover the new world, you dump the king, and I’ll send for you.
\nQUEEN ISABELLA (QI):<\/strong> You say you’ll send for me, dahling, but will you?
\nCC: <\/strong>Look, we’ve been all through this before.
\nQI: <\/strong>I know, but really, you’re such a dreamer. You’ll go out there and sail right off the end of the world.
\nCC: <\/strong>I will not!
\nQI: <\/strong>You’re such a charming boy, dahling. Why don’t you forget all this? I’ll set you up with a nice little Fiat agency over in West Barcelona.
\nCC:<\/strong> I don’t want a Fiat agency!
\nQI:<\/strong> Then why don’t you go to art school like your friend, Da Vinci? I’ll put you through.
\nCC: <\/strong>If Lenny wants to starve to death, that’s up to Lenny. Me, I want to discover the new world, carry out my dream. (trumpet fanfare)<\/p>\n
\nCC:<\/strong> Oh, sure, he’ll be at the inquisition all afternoon.
\nQI:<\/strong> Time just slipped away. Quickly, take the jewels and go, over the balcony. (door opens)
\nCC:<\/strong> Too late.<\/p>\n
\nKING FERDINAND (KF):<\/strong> Dullsville. Same old… say, who’s that?
\nQI: <\/strong>You remember Christopher Columbus.
\nKF: <\/strong>You mean old “round, round world”. (laughs). You and your Bohemian friends.
\nQI: <\/strong>He’s not Bohemian, he’s Italian.
\nKF: <\/strong>Italian, Bohemian. Look at him in that hat. Is that a crazy sailor?<\/p>\n
\nCC & KF:<\/strong> (fruited)
\nQI: <\/strong>Fruited. He holds these griefs to be self-evident, this “round, round world” with Indians and justice for all. Let us then go forward together toward Miami Beach, so that the dream of this crazy Italian boy, indivisible, should not perish from the map. (cheers from crowd)<\/p>\n
\nKF: <\/strong>I always said this girl had a lot of…Wait a minute! I ask a simple question, I get a pageant. Why should Spain sponsor you? Why don’t you go to Portugal?<\/p>\n
\nKF: <\/strong>Oh.<\/p>\n
\nKF: <\/strong>Have you had your shots?
\nCC: <\/strong>I have.
\nKF: <\/strong>Permission granted.
\nCC: <\/strong>Gracias. Areva Derchi<\/em>
\nKF: <\/strong>Hasta La Vista
\nQI: <\/strong>Adios (Mariachi band: Adios Muchachos, Compa\u00f1areros)<\/p>\n
\nQI: <\/strong>Force of habit I guess.
\nKF: <\/strong>Yeah, yeah, how’s that again.
\nQI: <\/strong>Nothing.
\nKF: <\/strong>Isabella? When are you going to quit fooling around with these nuts?<\/p>\n
\nCC: <\/strong>Well, that’s the trouble with labor today. Don’t they realize we’re going to discover the New World?
\nKF: <\/strong>You’ve been saying that for the last 57 days.
\nCC: <\/strong>Nobody forced you to come along, your Majesty.
\nKF: <\/strong>My doctor told me I should go to Florida for the winter.<\/p>\n
\nCC: <\/strong>I got a better deal on the fleet rate.
\nKF: <\/strong>I’ll accept that. But we better sight land soon, there’s rumblings of mutiny.
\nCC: <\/strong>Really?
\nKF: <\/strong>Come over here and listen<\/p>\n
\nKF: <\/strong>You mean on top of everything else this ship is rigged?<\/p>\n
\nCrew: <\/strong>(rumble rumble)
\nCC: <\/strong>Stop that rumbling down there.
\nKF: <\/strong>Who can blame them! The whole thing is madness! I don’t like the way the crew is acting!
\nCC: <\/strong>You’re overplaying it a little bit yourself there.
\nKF: <\/strong>I tell you the world is flat, and that’s that!
\nCC: <\/strong>It’s round as your hat!
\nKF: <\/strong>It’s flat as your head!
\nCC: <\/strong>It’s round!
\nKF: <\/strong>It’s flat!<\/p>\n
\nIt’s a round, round world<\/em><\/p>\n
\n and it’s gonna be found<\/em>
\n When all the results are in<\/em>
\n It’s a round world now and it’s always been<\/em><\/p>\n
\nIt’s a flat, flat world
\nI insist it’s flat as a welcoming mat
\nAnd he’s sailing off the end
\nHow about our crazy Itralian friend?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWould I climb aboard this ship
\nIf I didn’t have odds the earth was highly spherical<\/em><\/p>\n
\nYou’re a square, square king
\nIf you don’t believe
\nYou’re gonna receive
\nThe shock of your royal life
\nWhen the ship pulls in at Miami…<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWe are loyal subjects of the king and queen
\nBut what kind of nut would you have to be
\nTo borrow a ship and put out to sea
\nWhen you don’t know what’s on the other side<\/em><\/p>\n
\nBrother, who said getting there is half the fun
\nGive up my throne for one Navy Bean
\nNo wonder I’m turning three shades of green
\nHow could I go on such a loony trip<\/em><\/p>\n
\nIt’s a round, round world
\nI contend it’s round
\nAnd it’s gonna be found
\nWhen all the results are in
\nIt’s a round world now
\nAnd it’s always been<\/em><\/p>\n
\nIt’s a cockamamie dream
\nIf we don’t sight land we’re gonna scream<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWould I climb aboard this ship
\nIf I didn’t have odds
\nThe earth was highly spherical<\/em><\/p>\n
\nThere’s a typhoon coming up
\nBut where’s John Wayne?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nYou’re a square, square crew<\/em><\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>You’re gonna receive<\/em>
\nThe shock of your salty lives
\nWhen I take command in the name of…<\/em><\/p>\n
\nHow much of the ocean bit do you think I can take
\nClaim that land in the name of…<\/em><\/p>\n
\nKF: <\/strong>That’s Ferdinand and Isabella:<\/em><\/p>\n
\nCrew: <\/strong>Crazy kind of scheme, It’s a cockamamie dream, but we hope that’s its a round, round world.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nLookout: <\/strong>Land Ho! (horn fanfare)<\/p>\n
\nCC: <\/strong>French horns.
\nKF: <\/strong>No, before that.
\nCC: <\/strong>It was the lookout, he sighted land.<\/p>\n
\nKF: <\/strong>Alright.
\nCC: <\/strong>No, no, the other one.
\nKF: <\/strong>Oh? (pause) Oh. (sound of wine pouring)
\nCC: <\/strong>To the New World!
\nKF:<\/strong> Likewise (clink)<\/p>\n
\nCC: <\/strong>I claim this land in the name of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain.
\nIndian Chief (IC):<\/strong> How?
\nCC: <\/strong>Well, first I stick the flag in the sand, and then I…
\n KF: <\/strong>Watch yourself Admiral. Natives. They may be hostile.
\nCC: <\/strong>Well, we’re all a little hostile now and then. Some of us are able to sublimate. Others can’t adjust. You know how it is.
\nKF: <\/strong>I know, but you better try to talk to him.
\nCC: <\/strong>Alright. Hello there. Hello there. We white man. Other side of ocean. My name, Christopher Columbus.
\nIC: <\/strong>Oh, you over here on a Fulbright?
\nCC: <\/strong>No, no. I’m over here on an Isabella, as a matter of fact. Which reminds me. I want to take a few of you guys back on the boat to prove I discovered you.
\nIC: <\/strong>What you mean discover us? We discover you.
\nCC: <\/strong>You discovered us?
\nIC: <\/strong>Certainly, we discover you on beach here. Is all how you look at it.
\n CC: <\/strong>Yeah, I suppose. (pause) Well, my men and I were wondering if you could spare a little food.
\nIC: <\/strong>What kind num-nums you want?
\nCC: <\/strong>What is that strange looking plant you’re holding there, with the little yellow kernels?
\nIC: <\/strong>You mean this? (trumpet fanfare)
\nCC: <\/strong>Yes, what is that?
\nIC: <\/strong>French horns.<\/p>\n
\nIC: <\/strong>Oh, corn.
\nCC: <\/strong>That’s what I thought it was. What else you got to eat around here?
\nIC: <\/strong>Berries, herbs, natural fruits, and organically grown vegetables.
\nCC: <\/strong>Just as I suspected. What kind of a diet is that! That’s why I’ve come here, to fulfill my dream.<\/p>\n
\nCC: <\/strong>Yes I do.
\nIC: <\/strong>Would you like to talk about it?
\nCC: <\/strong>I certainly would. My dream is to open the first Italian restaurant in your country. Give you some real
\nfood: starches, spaghetti, cholesterol, … all the better things. That’s called progress.
\n IC: <\/strong>Hmmm.<\/p>\n
\nIC: <\/strong>You kidding? Whole country is parking lot.<\/p>\n
\nIC: <\/strong>OK
\nCC:<\/strong> …I only have a few dubloons on me, so if you direct me to the nearest bank, I’ll get a check cashed.<\/p>\n
\nCC: <\/strong>Oh, why?
\nIC: <\/strong>Columbus Day.
\nCC: <\/strong>Oh, yeah. (pauses) We going out on that joke?
\nIC: <\/strong>No, we do reprise of song, that help.
\nCC & IC: <\/strong>But not much… no…<\/p>\n
\nIt’s a new found world
\nAnd the land looks good
\nLike a continent should
\nComplete with a flag unfurled<\/em><\/p>\n
\nNow the white man’s here I guess
\nIt’s time to leave
\nBut why go to war and fight like a jerk
\nPerhaps we can pick up some kind of work<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWyatt Earp or Bonanza<\/em><\/p>\n
\n Both: <\/strong>Big cheeses of this round, round world!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"