[Yesterday was Columbus Day, although today is the national holiday. As it is today that the banks are closed, it is all together fitting and appropriate to remind people why we do this… to give bankers 3-day weekends :-)]<\/p>\n
In 1961, the humorist Stan Freberg issued Volume 1 of The United States of America<\/a>, a musical telling of the founding of America through the Battle of Yorktown (Volume 2 goes through the end of World War I (“They’ll never be another war…”)). The first scene on Volume 1 relates the story of how the Indians discovered Columbus. As today is Columbus Day, I present a transcription of the scene: NARR:<\/b> 1492, Madrid. The Queen of Spain grants an audience COLUMBUS (CC):<\/b> Allright, we’ll go over it once again. First QUEEN ISABELLA (QI):<\/b> You say you’ll send for me, dahling, CC: <\/b>Look, we’ve been all through this before. <\/p>\n QI: <\/b>I know, but really, you’re such a dreamer. You’ll go CC: <\/b>I will not! <\/p>\n QI: <\/b>You’re such a charming boy, dahling. Why don’t you CC:<\/b> I don’t want a Fiat agency! <\/p>\n QI:<\/b> Then why don’t you go to art school like your friend, CC: <\/b>If Lenny wants to starve to death, that’s up to Lenny. ANNOUNCE:<\/b> His Majesty, King Ferdinand. <\/p>\n QI:<\/b> (gasp) The King. QI: <\/b>Good afternoon dear. How was the inquisition? Amusing?\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n KING FERDINAND (KF):<\/b> Dullsville. Same old… say, who’s KF: <\/b>You mean old “round, round world”. (laughs). You and QI: <\/b>Crazy? I’ll tell you how crazy. He’s a man with a CC & KF:<\/b> (fruited) <\/p>\n QI: <\/b>Fruited. He holds these grieves to be self-evident, CC: <\/b>Is that moving? Was that a great bit? CC: <\/b>I did—they bought “The Price is Right” CC: <\/b>Then I have your permission to sail? KF: <\/b>Would you get out of here? (footsteps) Strange, he left (on ship) 1st Mate: <\/b>Admiral Columbus, sir. The men are KF: <\/b>I still can’t see what you needed three ships for? CC: <\/b>Really? <\/p>\n KF: <\/b>Come over here and listen <\/p>\n Crew: <\/b>Rumble. Rumble. Rumble. Mutiny. Mutiny. Mutiny. <\/p>\n CC: <\/b>I see what you mean. I’ll jump up here on the rigging CC: <\/b>Now hear this! This is the Admiral speaking. I know the KF: <\/b>Who can blame them! The whole thing is madness! I don’t KF: <\/b>I tell you the world is flat, and that’s that! CC: <\/b>It’s a round, round world KF: <\/b>Flat Flat world CC: <\/b>Friend, Get hip KF: <\/b>It’s a miracle if it is<\/p>\n CC:<\/b> Square, square king Crew: <\/b>Yo, ho, ho and a Dramamine CC: <\/b>Isabella and Ferdnand KF: <\/b>Well, for all our sakes, I hope that… KF: <\/b>What was that? CC: <\/b>Quickly, hand me the glass. KF: <\/b>Allright, allright, give the kid top billing. KF: <\/b>Watch yourself Admiral. Natives. They may be CC: <\/b>Yeah, I suppose. (pause) Well, my men and I were CC: <\/b>No, no, what you’re holding in your hand. IC: <\/b>You have a dream? IC: <\/b>Hmmm.<\/p>\n CC: <\/b>Now right here would be a good location for the CC: <\/b>Please don’t call us, we’ll call you <\/lj-raw><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [Yesterday was Columbus Day, although today is the national holiday. As it is today that the banks are closed, it is all together fitting and appropriate to remind people why we do this… to give bankers 3-day weekends :-)] In 1961, the humorist Stan Freberg issued Volume 1 of The United States of America, a Read More …<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[165,442,47],"class_list":["post-3085","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lj-xfer","tag-freberg","tag-holidays","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3085","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3085"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3085\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cahighways.org\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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\n\t\t\t\tto an obscure Italian sailor. There, in her chambers, plans are made destined
\n\t\t\t\tto change the course of history.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tyou hock the jewels, you give me the money and I buy the ships. Then I discover
\n\t\t\t\tthe new world, you dump the king, and I’ll send for you.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tbut will you? <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tout there and sail right off the end of the world.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tforget all this. I’ll set you up with a nice little Fiat agency over in West
\n\t\t\t\tBarcelona. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tDaVinci. I’ll put you through. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tMe, I want to discover the new world, carry out my dream. (trumpet fanfare)\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n
CC:<\/b> Oh, sure, he’ll be at
\n\t\t\t\tthe inquisition all afternoon.
QI:<\/b> Time just slipped away. Quickly,
\n\t\t\t\ttake the jewels and go, over the balcony. (door opens)
CC:<\/b> Too late.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tthat?
QI: <\/b>You remember Christopher Columbus. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tyour Bohemian friends.
QI: <\/b>He’s not Bohemian, he’s Italian.
\n\t\t\t\t
KF: <\/b>Italian, Bohemian. Look at him in that hat. Is that a crazy
\n\t\t\t\tsailor? <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tdream, a vision. A vision of a new world, whose alabaster cities gleam,
\n\t\t\t\tundimmed by human tears. With purple mountains magestied above the 2 cents
\n\t\t\t\tplain <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tthis “round, round world” with Indians and justice for all. Let us then go
\n\t\t\t\tforward together toward Miami Beach, so that the dream of this crazy Italian
\n\t\t\t\tboy, indivisible, should not perish from the map. (cheers from crowd) <\/p>\n
KF: <\/b>I
\n\t\t\t\talwasy said this girl had a lot of…Wait a minute! I ask a simple question, I
\n\t\t\t\tget a pageant. Why should Spain sponsor you. Why don’t you go to Portugal? <\/p>\n
KF:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Oh. <\/p>\n
KF:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Have you had your shots?
CC: <\/b>I have.
KF: <\/b>Permission
\n\t\t\t\tgranted.
CC: <\/b>Gracias. Areva Derchi<\/i>
KF: <\/b>Hasta La
\n\t\t\t\tVista
QI: <\/b>Adios (Mariachi band: Adios Muchachos, Companareros) <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tby the balcony.
QI: <\/b>Force of habit I guess.
KF: <\/b>Yeah,
\n\t\t\t\tyeah, how’s that again.
QI: <\/b>Nothing.
KF: <\/b>Isabella? Whena
\n\t\t\t\tare you going to quit fooling around with these nuts? <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tweary, on the point of madness.
CC: <\/b>Well, that’s the trouble with
\n\t\t\t\tlabor today. Don’t they realize we’re going to discover the New World?
\n\t\t\t\t
KF: <\/b>You’ve been saying that for the last 57 days.
CC:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Nobody forced you to come along, your Majesty.
KF: <\/b>My doctor
\n\t\t\t\ttold me I should go to Florida for the winter. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\t
CC: <\/b>I got a better deal on the fleet rate.
KF: <\/b>I’ll
\n\t\t\t\taccept that. But we better sight land soon, there’s rumblings of mutiny. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tand speak to them.
KF: <\/b>You mean on top of everything else this ship
\n\t\t\t\tis rigged? <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tgoing has been rough, but if you can just hold out a little while.
Crew:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>(rumble rumble)
CC: <\/b>Stop that rumbling down there. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\tlike the way the crew is acting!
CC: <\/b>You’re overplaying it a little
\n\t\t\t\tbit yourself there. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\t
CC: <\/b>It’s round as your hat!
KF: <\/b>It’s flat as your head!
\n\t\t\t\t
CC: <\/b>It’s round!
KF: <\/b>It’s flat!<\/p>\n
It’s a round, round world
\n\t\t\t\t
I contend it’s round,
and it’s gonna be found
When all the results
\n\t\t\t\tare in
It’s a round world now and it’s always been <\/p>\n
It’s a flat, flat world
I
\n\t\t\t\tinsist it’s flat as a welcoming mat
And he’s sailing off the end
How
\n\t\t\t\tabout our crazy Italian friend? <\/p>\n
Would I climb aboard this ship
\n\t\t\t\t
If I didn’t have odds the earth was highly spherical<\/p>\n
You’re a square, square king
\n\t\t\t\t
If you don’t believe
You’re gonna receive
The shock of your royal
\n\t\t\t\tlife
When the ship pulls in at Miami…<\/p>\n
We are loyal subjects
\n\t\t\t\tof the king and queen
But what kind of nut would you have to be
To
\n\t\t\t\tborrow a ship and put out to sea
When you don’t know what’s on the other
\n\t\t\t\tside<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n CC: <\/b>Round, round world
It’s a round, round
\n\t\t\t world
I contend it’s round
And it’s gonna be found
When all the
\n\t\t\t results are in
It’s a round world now
And it’s always been<\/td>\n <\/td>\n KF: <\/b>All week long on a hardtack
\n\t\t\t bun
Brother, who said getting there is
Half the fun (breath)
Give
\n\t\t\t up my throne for one Navy Bean
No wonder I’m turning three shades of green
\n\t\t\t
How could I go on such a loony trip<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n CC: <\/b>Get hip
Would I climb aboard this ship
\n\t\t\t
If I didn’t have odds
The earth was highly spherical<\/td>\n <\/td>\n Crew: <\/b>Crazy kind of scheme
It’s a cockamamy
\n\t\t\t dream
If we don’t sight land we’re gonna scream<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n KF: <\/b>It’s a miracle if it is<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n CC: <\/b>Square, square crew
You’re a square,
\n\t\t\t square crew
If you don’t believe<\/td>\n <\/td>\n Crew: <\/b>Yo, ho, ho through the wind and rain
\n\t\t\t
There’s a typhoon coming up
But where’s John Wayne?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n CC: <\/b>You’re gonna receive
The shock of your
\n\t\t\t salty lives
When I take command in the name of…<\/td>\n <\/td>\n KF: <\/b>I feel like a red witch
Having a wake
\n\t\t\t
How much of the ocean bit do you think I can take
Claim that land in
\n\t\t\t the name of…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n \n
\n\t\t\t KF: <\/b>That’s Ferdinand and Isabella:
\n\t\t\t Both: <\/b>New rulers of this round, round world
Crew:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Crazy kind of scheme, It’s a cockamamy dream, but we hope that’s its a
\n\t\t\t\tround, round world. <\/p>\n
Lookout:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Land Ho! (horn fanfare) <\/p>\n
CC: <\/b>French horns.
KF:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>No, before that.
CC: <\/b>It was the lookout, he sighted land.
\n\t\t\t\t
Crew: <\/b>Hurray <\/p>\n
KF: <\/b>Allright.
\n\t\t\t\t
CC: <\/b>No, no, the other one.
KF: <\/b>Oh? (pause) Oh. (sound of
\n\t\t\t\twine pouring)
CC: <\/b>To the New World! KF: Likewise (clink) <\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n\n
\n \n
\n\t\t\t\tCC: <\/b>I claim this land in the name of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand
\n\t\t\t\tof Spain.
Indian Chief (<\/b>IC): How?
CC: <\/b>Well, first I stick
\n\t\t\t\tthe flag in the sand, and then I…<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\thostile.
CC: <\/b>Well, we’re all a little hostile now and then. Some of
\n\t\t\t\tus are able to sublimate. Others can’t adjust. You know how it is.
KF:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>I know, but you better try to talk to him.
CC: <\/b>Allright. Hello
\n\t\t\t\tthere. Hello there. We white man. Other side of ocean. My name, Christopher
\n\t\t\t\tColumbus.
IC: <\/b>Oh, you over here on a Fulbright?
CC: <\/b>No, no.
\n\t\t\t\tI’m over here on an Isabella, as a matter of fact. Which reminds me. I want to
\n\t\t\t\ttake a few of you guys back on the boat to prove I discovered you.
IC:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>What you mean discover us? We discover you.
CC: <\/b>You discovered
\n\t\t\t\tus?
IC: <\/b>Certainly, we discover you on beach here. Is all how you look
\n\t\t\t\tat it.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\twondering if you could spare a little food.
IC: <\/b>What kind num-nums
\n\t\t\t\tyou want?
CC: <\/b>What is that strange looking plant you’re holding
\n\t\t\t\tthere, with the little yellow kernels?
IC: <\/b>You mean this?
\n\t\t\t\t(trumpet fanfare)
CC: <\/b>Yes, what is that?
IC: <\/b>French
\n\t\t\t\thorns.<\/p>\n
IC:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Oh, corn.
CC: <\/b>That’s what I thought it was. What else you got to
\n\t\t\t\teat around here?
IC: <\/b>Berries, herbs, natural fruits, and organically
\n\t\t\t\tgrown vegetables.
CC: <\/b>Just as I suspected. What kind of a diet is
\n\t\t\t\tthat! That’s why I’ve come here, to fulfill my dream.<\/p>\n
CC: <\/b>Yes I do.
IC:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Would you like to talk about it?
CC: <\/b>I certainly would. My dream
\n\t\t\t\tis to open the first Italian restaurant in your country. Give you some real
\n\t\t\t\tfood: starches, spaghetti, cholesterol, … all the better things. That’s
\n\t\t\t\tcalled progress. <\/p>\n
\n\t\t\t\trestaurant, ocean view and all that. Is there room for a parking lot?
IC:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>You kidding? Whole country is parking lot.
CC: <\/b>I suppose. Well,
\n\t\t\t\tI’d like to put a little deposit down on the property, here…
IC:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>OK
CC:<\/b> …I only have a few dubloons on me, so if you direct me
\n\t\t\t\tto the nearest bank, I’ll get a check cashed.
IC: <\/b>You out of luck
\n\t\t\t\ttoday. Banks closed.
CC: <\/b>Oh, why?
IC: <\/b>Columbus
\n\t\t\t\tDay.
CC: <\/b>Oh, yeah. (pauses) We going out on that joke?
IC:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>No, we do reprise of song, that help.
CC & IC: <\/b>But not
\n\t\t\t\tmuch… no…<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n CC:<\/b>
Round, round world
It’s a
\n\t\t\t newfound world
And the land looks good
Like a continent
\n\t\t\t should
Complete with a flag unfurled<\/td>\n <\/td>\n Indians:<\/b>
Yo, ho, ho and a buckskin
\n\t\t\t sleeve
Now the white man’s here I guess
It’s time to leave
But why go
\n\t\t\t to war and fight like a jerk
Perhaps we can pick up some kind of work
In
\n\t\t\t an Indian extravaganza
Wyatt Earp or Bonanza<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n \n
KF:
\n\t\t\t\t<\/b>Step aside pal, meet the new
Both: <\/b>Big cheeses of this round,
\n\t\t\t\tround world<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n