🎭 Theatre Writeups, 🛣️ Highway Updates, 📰 Musings on the News, and other 🗯️ Rants and Roadkill Along the Information Superhighway
Two years ago, we got a patio swing at Lowes, very similar to this one. After two years in the sun, the cushions have died. The back ones are 18x22x2, and the seat ones are 21x22x3. The top fabric has also started to die.
I’ve been looking into replacement top fabric and replacement cushions. So far, it looks like it would just be cheaper to buy a new swing than replace the cushions. That’s just wrong.
Two teenagers have been arrested in El Paso for smuggling 25 lbs of Marijuana into the US… in six sealed large food-service cans claiming to be mixed vegetables (labeled as white hominy and jalapeno peppers).
I can just imagine the scene at the border: “But officer, I was just bringing in some baking supplies.”
Last night driving home, I played the podcast of “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me”. On the show, one of the items was about a man who got breast implants… for the buxom lady tattooed on his leg. His body later rejected them.
This got me to thinking about a whole new industry: tattooing for the blind… in Braille. I’ll let you take it from there.
I know I’ve been writing a lot about the Bat Mitzvah (and you’re probably sick of it), so I figured a digression was in order. We normally don’t think about religion when we ride the highways and byways of life, but their numbers often have religious significance to many.
You may have heard of US 666, which has now been renumbered as US 491 because people kept stealing the signs, thinking the route “the devil’s route”. Well there’s another route in the news. I-35.
Citing Isaiah Chapter 35, Verse 8, where it says, “A highway shall be there, and a road, and it shall be called the Highway of Holiness,” folks have started referring to I-35 as a holy highway. Churchgoers in six states transited by the route recently finished 35 days of praying alongside I-35. Why pray? These Christians want to make I-35 “holy”, and overcome some notorious past events along the highways, such as the I-35 bridge collapse in MN and the shooting of Pres. Kennedy in TX. They also prayed that adult businesses along the corridor would “see the light” and perhaps close down. They prayed for safety and freedom from crime for people who lived along the interstate. And, of course, they prayed that all Americans would accept Jesus into their lives.
Sigh.
Whilst skimming the newspapers as I do while I eat lunch, a few quotes just caught my eye and made me go “Huh?”
This is from a CNN article about what is more green: buying a fake tree that is shipped from far away and reused over and over vs.buying a cut (or living tree) grown elsewhere every year but shipped in? The best answer, of course, is to use a tree in your yard, or a locally-grown cut tree. But what caught my eye was that a tree would rather be cut, or that a tree wants to make kids happy. Shades of “The Giving Tree”.
This is from an article in the St. Louis Post Dispatch about Airbus potentially moving production to the US. Airbus is considering this because they might win the KC-135 replacement contract, in which they are partnering with EADS and NG, and may be building the A330-based tanker in Alabama. They are looking into larger US production because of the weakness of the dollar. Although most of the company’s revenue comes in dollars (by international agreement, aircraft are priced in US$), it must pay most expenses in euros. The difference costs Airbus $1 billion in profit for every 10 cents the dollars drops, and it’s fallen 16 cents this year. What caught my eye was the similarity of the quote to the famous line from “Blazing Saddles,” “Mongo only pawn… in game of life.”
Well, that’s a relief. Air, as we all know, is a prerequisite to safe driving — it is hard to control the wheel when you’re gasping for breath. Actually, the quote comes from a Chicago Tribune article about ExxonMobil replacing the “pay” air compressors they had along the Illinois Tollway with “free” air compressors. The decision came two days after the Tribune’s Getting Around column reported that the machines — charging 75 cents for a few minutes of air — violated Exxon Mobil’s lease agreement with the tollway. The devices will be converted within a week. What caught my eye, however, is how the quote could easily be taken out of context, and seem quite silly (or a new profit center).
It’s gonna be an interesting night…
gf_guruilla: I made a cow patty.
GFG’s mom: Can I see it?
nsshere: No, it’s on the poop deck.
GFG’s mom: What’s a poop deck.
Me: You know, pirates have needs too.
CNN has an interesting article this morning. It seems that Nebraska State Sen. Ernie Chambers (Omaha) sued God last week, seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty for making terroristic threats, inspiring fear and causing “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”
Perhaps that’s not so weird in Nebraska.
But what is weird is that God responded to the suit. One of two court filings from “God” in response came Wednesday, according to John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha, who said, “This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here — poof!”
So what did God have to say in response? According to Fried, God indicated that he cannot be sued. Specifically, God argues that he (or she, the report wasn’t clear) is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction. It adds that blaming God for human oppression and suffering misses the important point that God “created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you.” There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness.
Why was the suit filed? Chambers, a self-proclaimed agnostic who often criticizes Christians, said his filing was triggered by a federal lawsuit he considers frivolous. He said he’s trying to make the point that anybody can sue anybody.
Neither John Denver nor George Burns were available for comment. Morgan Freeman did not respond, however, it should be noted that Ernie Chambers looks a lot like Mr. Freeman, and the two have not been seen together.
Hmmm. All the furor in news makes me think LJ needs a new virtual gift:
This is even funnier if you click on the bottle.
P.S.: Abe Vigoda is still alive.
