Comply with all Necessary Signs and Placards

A discussion during the workshop I’m attending about using overly complicated and specialized terminology reminded me of a pet peeve of mine: Why can’t airplanes use “the language of the people”.

Consider what you hear when you travel: “Comply with all necessary signs and placards”. “In the case of an overwater landing, your seat cushions may be used as a floatation device.” “Tampering with Lavatory Smoke Detection Devices”. “Passengers in the coach section should use the aft lavatories”

Why can’t they use simple phrases, that even someone that watches Jerry Springer can understand: “Follow the signs. Use the rear bathrooms. Your cushion floats. Fuck with the smoke detectors and we throw you off the plane in mid-air.” I recall that one airline, perhaps it was PSA or Southwest, did simplify this wording once.

Are the complicated phrases mandated by the government? Is this fixed government-speak? If you’re going to instruct the sheeple on a plane, use words we can understand. Especially if you want us to follow them.

Update: It appears that this wording comes from a FAR: This briefing shall include a statement that the Federal Aviation Regulations require passenger compliance with the lighted passenger information signs, posted placards, areas designated for safety purposes as no smoking areas, and crewmember instructions with regard to these items. The briefing shall also include a statement that Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying any smoke detector in an airplane lavatory; smoking in lavatories; and, when applicable, smoking in passenger compartments.

Of course, government speak! I should be familiar with this from reading DoD documents!

Note: This entry was originally posted on Observations Along The Road (on cahighways.org) as this entry by California Highway Guy. You may comment either here or there (where there are comment(s)).

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Comply with all Necessary Signs and Placards

A discussion during the workshop I’m attending about using overly complicated and specialized terminology reminded me of a pet peeve of mine: Why can’t airplanes use “the language of the people”.

Consider what you hear when you travel: “Comply with all necessary signs and placards”. “In the case of an overwater landing, your seat cushions may be used as a floatation device.” “Tampering with Lavatory Smoke Detection Devices”. “Passengers in the coach section should use the aft lavatories”

Why can’t they use simple phrases, that even someone that watches Jerry Springer can understand: “Follow the signs. Use the rear bathrooms. Your cushion floats. Fuck with the smoke detectors and we throw you off the plane in mid-air.” I recall that one airline, perhaps it was PSA or Southwest, did simplify this wording once.

Are the complicated phrases mandated by the government? Is this fixed government-speak? If you’re going to instruct the sheeple on a plane, use words we can understand. Especially if you want us to follow them.

Update: It appears that this wording comes from a FAR: This briefing shall include a statement that the Federal Aviation Regulations require passenger compliance with the lighted passenger information signs, posted placards, areas designated for safety purposes as no smoking areas, and crewmember instructions with regard to these items. The briefing shall also include a statement that Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying any smoke detector in an airplane lavatory; smoking in lavatories; and, when applicable, smoking in passenger compartments.

Of course, government speak! I should be familiar with this from reading DoD documents!

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Gizoogle: A variety of 411 related ta California highways

internet_addict provided a pointer to a site called Gizoogle that provides an, umm, translation of your site. I tried it on my California Highways page:

Welcome ta tha California Highways Site . Yippie yo, you can’t see my flow. Frizzay this page, you can access a variety of 411 related ta California highways n California highway history t-h-to-tha-izzat I have collected over tha years . You gotta check dis shit out yo. I welcome comments n corrections ta this information; you may reach me by send’n Email ta playa.

This site should cracka mizzost of yo questions from tha streets of tha L-B-C. Howeva, there stizzay may be a few questions thizzat aren’t covered by tha areas in tha site. If you question remains unanswered killa dippin’ tha site, pleaze chizzay tha Cracka Frequently Asked Questions , n if tizzle doesn’t work, pleaze send me email at cracka.

Note: The California Highways Site is not affilated wit or sponsored by Caltrans, tha California Department of Transportizzle. Although I truely appreciate tha support thizzat Caltrans stizzaff have provided me to-tha-izzin doing research, n tha kind words they hizzle sizzent me regard’n tha informizzles on this site. If you hizzle questions pimpin’ operation of tha state highways, or thizzay is of a legal or regulatory nature, pleaze contact Caltrans directly at http://www.dot.ca.gov/ . Aint no stoppin’ this shit ni—. I’ll be glad ta hustla any question I ciznan, but this is a hobbyist site. If you is look’n fo` the current status of a particizzles state route, try tha Caltrans Highway Status page. The California Highway Patrol also maintains a Traffic Incident Pizzy. If you have a maintenance problem ta report, use tha Caltrans Maintenance Report Form.

Absolutely hilarious.

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