How T’Steer The Ship O’State

As today is Talk Like A Pirate Day, I’d like to do some talking about two groups of pirates: Captain John and his wench Sarah, and Captain Barak and his first mate, Salty Joe. Both of these teams are campaigning to run our ship of state; they claim they can right it from its current floundering condition, and sail us into safe and secure waters. Right now, the ship is being buffeted by privateers and speculators, who are devaluing the gold and treasure in the hold, and making many in the crew lose faith. But what is the right course to take?

A landlubber paper, the Los Angeles Times, has an interesting article on the subject. It notes that Captain John’s solution is to say the current scalliwags attempting to handle the situation are wrong and should be keelhauled, and that the financial ships that are sinking should be left to go to Davy Jones, and not have a crew from the SS FRB board them and bail them out. He thinks the sole purpose of the crew of the SS FRB is to responsibly manage our money supply and inflation. However, this landlubber is curious: what would happen if we let those ships sank? Would we be able to navigate the financial waters littered with the corpses of the SS Bear Stearns, the SS Lehman Brothers, the SS AIG, the SS WaMu, and so on. Sailing in trecherous seas littered with corpses is even more dangerous. Perhaps Captain John sees the opportunity to grab some treasure of his own, and bury it on his private island? It should also be noted that Captain John was chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee that had oversight over every part of the economy–and he was unable to convice his crew to ensure a safe path.

Now, what does Captain Barak propose. First, he’s consulting with some pretty knowledable captains (whereas Captain John consulted with the likes of Captain Phil Gramm, who help started this whole free-for-all). Captain Barak’s advice, probably given over a good cup o’grog, came from folks like Captain Warren Buffett, Captain Robert Rubin, and Captain Paul Volcker. Captain Barak endorsed giving “broad authority” to the skilled sailors at the Treasury Department to deal with the credit crisis. But Captain Barak also has shown concern for the lowest crewman on the ship, advocating solutions that not only address those that have their gold and silver, but those who do not. He wants there to be an emergency economic plan for working crews and their families ” to help them pay for rising costs of gasoline, food and housing.” In other words, Captain Barak believes it isn’t only the captain of a ship that should benefit from good leadership; the crew is the team that makes the ship strong, and should benefit and be protected as well.

Captain Barak recognizes there are scalliwags out there, and wants stringent oversight and regulations and protection against rewards for running your ship asunder. He feels that the inadequate watchment in the crows nest, and inadequate protections for the crew, contributed to the shaky condition of the ship. Captain John? He’s arguing for oversight as well, but the type that has already happened. Captain John wants to focus on piratical lenders, forgetting that those lending practices are already gone.

So, the question is: Which team is in it just for the chest of gold? Which team do you want to guide your ship?

[Please note: In the spirit of the day, mateys, responses must continue the piratical motif and mileau. Those that disobey will walk the plank.]


(meme) Perhaps Not What The Lass Meant

Well shiver me timbers. Me mate venedotia has marked me for a fate worse than death, a meme. The specifics arrrrrrr:

  1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yer’self
  2. Pass the mark to seven scalliwags
  3. Mark not the mate who put the mark on ye, nor say ye any mate may do it

Well, let’s see, mateys,

  1. I like to talk like a pirate one day a year.
  2. I likes me booty.
  3. I’m not that stable when walking on planks.
  4. I don’t think I get seasick.
  5. I have worn an eye-patch at one point in my life.
  6. I saw the New York Shakespeare Festival Version of Pirates of Penzance.
  7. I have seen Peter Pan on stage.

Somehow, I don’t think this was what the lass was expecting. But if you give this mate a meme on a piratical day like today…

Oh, and I mark Blackbeard, Yellowbeard, Pegleg, One-Eye, Redbeard, Hairless, and Saucy Sally.


Those Scurvy Dogs… and Bears

Scurvy Dogs be everythere these days, mates. I ’twas looking at the paper in me parrot’s cage, the St. Louis Post Dispatch, and I saw an article about how some scalliwags are trying to rename the University of Missouri-Columbia to simply “the University of Missouri”. Those salty dogs should be made ‘t walk the plank, for they seem to forget there are other University of Missouri campuses, such as UMKC (Kansas City), UMSL (St. Louis), and MUST (nee UMR (Rolla)). Mates, that would be like the University of California at Berkeley renaming themselves as simply “the University of California”. Me mates at the twig, ooops, University of California, Southern Branch, oops, UCLA, would be rightly pissed about that. So would me mates at Davis, Santa Barbara, and all t’ other ports of call. Now, we all know that Berkeley has no intention of renaming, ummm, don’t we.

What’s that mate? They call themselves “Cal“? I say a raid for booty is called for!


Mate, you buried what? Where?

A mate can always depend on t’ Sacramento Bee for entertainin’ news. Today it be news about some scurvy homeowners, who have taken t’ buryin’ a statue o’ St. Joseph (as opposed to a proper booty) t’ speed up house sales. Can you just imagine t’ new homeowner, 10 years later, diggin’ up t’ statue and goin’, “WTF?” They don’t even give the lubbers a map where “X” marks the spot!



A Good Yarrrrrr to All

Ahoy Mateys.

Me be thinking that to start “Talk Like a Pirate” Day arr-right, me mates must see this missive from weirdjews. You see, mates, in two years, thar Jewish High Holidays will fall on this here TLAP day. A bloke (xiphias) was imagining what the Un’taneh Tokev prayer would sound like: “Arrr! Who by cannon, and who by cutlass. Who by scurvy, and who by walkin’ tha plank. . . ”

lunza responded:

We have been Arrogant
We have Broadsided other ships
We have wielded the Cutlass
and sent men to Davy Jones’ locker

Aiiii. Now it’s off to find the grog…


So We Don’t Have To Keelhaul Her After All

[The credit for this goes to me mate, countfroggy]
Mates, what be a pirate’s favorrrite carrrrr?
The Toyota Yarrrrrus, of course.


Thank’s to some clever tinking from the ol’ captain here, we’re not going to have to keelhaul the lass ellipticcurve. Aye, when ellipticcurve was sick last week, I loaner her my laptop. O’er the weekend, she spilled a little grog on it (all that piratical partying, me t’inks) and left some keys sticky. Me thought I might have t’ get a new barnacle box, as that one was out o’ warranty, but I was able t’ use a bit o’ ribbon as keyboard floss, and usin’ alcohol, a little water, and some silicon sport shield, was able t’ destick the keys. And thus ellipticcurve gets to remain a part of me crew, which ’tis a good thing, for not only is she a comely lass, but she has a good head on those shoulder. Yarrrrr….

Did any of you mates watch “Wench Swap” on ABC last night. Some of the other captains had raised flags about it, in fact, Mad Sally (the wench of Ol’ Chumbucket, the founder of TLAP) wrote about it before it happened. No one of me mates, however, has said they watched it. Well, I did. Quite a good program, lads. Each of the lasses seems to have learned a little from the other, and it ’twas an entertaining hour.

Mates, you gotta love LJ. The deck swabbers changed the userinfo icon (among other things) to a thing of piratical beauty. And they even dressed up that scurvy ol’ goat frank on the homepage. As for the unhappy ninja landlubbers…. those blokes need more grog. Yarrrrrr.

Well, me grog is ready to drink, so it’s off to go pillage… fare well, mates.