(rant meme) Riders on the Storm

[This rant is a result of a request in response to my rant meme by stuck_in_ma. He asked for a rant on “All of the bills in Congress with meaningless, unrelated riders tacked on, especially riders that kill the rest of the otherwise good bill.” Do you want a rant? Then reply to the rant meme… and follow the instructions and post it to your own journal. It is a wonderful creative writing exercise. ]

[He walks out, with a soapbox. He sets it on the ground. He climbs up on it, and speaks…]

In the musical “1776”, John Adams says, “I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a congress.” It was true in Adams’ time, and it true now. Nowhere is it seem better than in the notion of riders.

One of the purposes of congress, you see, is to prepare the laws and fund the government, approve those bills, and send them on to the President (who if things work as they should) usually sign them into law. But often, this process takes longer than it should due to something called a “rider”.

Now, you and I typically think of a rider as someone who sits with you in a vehicle that (unless it is a vanpool) typically doesn’t pay their own way. Riders in congress are similar — they are things added to the bill that are often unrelated to the law. They are typically added for two reasons: first, the author couldn’t get the rider passed on its own, so they attach it to the coattails of a “must pass” bill. Alternatively, they can be attached for a more nefarious purpose: to be so offensive that they will prevent the bills passage. Both cases are bad: they either torpedo a good bill, or they add unnecessary junk to a bad bill.

But that’s not all that congress (or your state assembly) does that is bad. We’ve all heard about earmarks: specific spending allowances that benefit only specific states or group. These are done both at the presidential and the congressional level. There’s also the gut and amend approach: legislators (especially state legislators, where there is a deadline on bill submission) take a bill that won’t pass, amend it to remove all the previous contents and introduce a new bill, and then send it back on. This hides the measure from monitoring scrutiny.

We need sunlight and transparancy on this. Amendments that do not actually amend, and are related to the legislation, should not be permitted — or if they are, it should be clear for all time who made the change. The same is true for specific earmarks. Gut and amend should not be permitted — it should be like remodeling — you have to keep at least one wall.

Demand this of your legislators when they ask for your vote. Riders must pay their way.

[He carefully climbs off the soapbox. He picks it up, and walks offstage.]

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(rant meme) Using the Right Words

[This rant is a result of a request in response to my rant meme by kerinda. She asked for a rant on “People who use the word “retard” as a noun.” Do you want a rant? Then reply to the rant meme… and follow the instructions and post it to your own journal. It is a wonderful creative writing exercise. ]

[He walks out, with a soapbox. He sets it on the ground. He climbs up on it, and speaks…]

Now folks, today’s lesson is about the English language. You know that language… you hopefully speak it everyday. Please go to your shelf, and pull down your dictionary. The word for today is “retard”.

The primary use of this word, folks, is a verb. It means to slow the growth of something, combining “re-” (again) with “tardare” (slow). Thus, you might retard the growth of a plant by keeping it out of the sunlight. This is an old old usage, dating back to the 15th century. The verb has been nouned (if that is a word) to refer to holding back or slowing down (the usage dates to 1788), but again… it refers to slowing down. Retard also has a use in the world of music, referring to a decrease in rapidity or tempo.

So, those of you using the word “retard” in any other way, shape or form: it’s offensive, and you only show your lack of intelligence by using the term. It’s like calling Mr. Obama by his full name, or referring to Mr. McCain as John Sydney McCain. It is just impolite, and not done in (ahem) proper company. Get out that mental floss, and just wipe that noun from your vocabulary.

I’ll say it again, more bluntly, because perhaps you’re too slow to get it: Retard is not a synonym for stupid. Nor is diptard. Nor is fucktard. Using the word in this sense only shows that the speaker is uneducated, and doesn’t have the creative energy to actually choose the correct word. Precision is important in language. Folks like that are just… are just….

Dipshits.

So there. Pffffffffft.

[He carefully climbs off the soapbox. He picks it up, and walks offstage.]

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(meme) Rant Meme

Almost three years ago, I snarfed a meme from patgund. I’ve been trying to think about what to post, and I decided this meme was so fun, I’ll start it up again. So here goes…

  1. Comment with almost any subject that you would like me to rant on, with possible swearing involved. Any subject – I don’t even have to agree with it.
  2. Watch my journal for your rant.
  3. Post this in your own journal, so that you may rant for others.

Caveat: I reserve the right to publically rant about some topics, so depending on the topic, the rant might be restricted access.

Now, while you go come up with subjects, I’ll go find the soapbox in the closet, and get it cleaned.

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(rant meme) Late Again?

[This rant is a result of a request in response to my rant meme by spunkylizard. He asked for a rant on “people who are late for everything, and not just five minutes late, which has become acceptable and within the norm, but folks who are over 30 minutes to hour and a half late.” Do you want a rant? Then reply to the rant meme. Lastly, please note that this is not a rant about my family.]

[Climbs up on soapbox, clears throat, and begins]

Of course, spunkylizard has to post his rant request late, typical.

Now, I’m Jewish. This means I’ve gotten used to JST. For those not familiar with the term, JST refers to Jewish Standard Time, which is ½ hour late. Actually, it should probably be Israel Standard Hour, ISH, for that’s how folks refer to it. Please come to dinner at 4ish. Show up at 4, and you’re too early! 4:30 is just fine. So, I’m used to ½ hour late.

But c’mon folks. ish I understand. Double-ish. Nope. Treble-ish. Fugghedabohutit. If you’re going to be that late, don’t bother. You’re just going to find me pissed anyway. So call me with some lame excuse to CYA, and slink away into the corner.

You see, when you are late to something, you are indicating that you are putting more value on your time than my time, which conveys a message about how you value me. Now some variance is permitted, because there are things out of our control: traffic, weather, cows with guns on the road, rabbis popping out of holes (but that’s a different post). But if you’re going to be late, just call me. I can then adjust my schedule instead of sitting and waiting. You think you can’t call me? Two words: cell phone. If that doesn’t work, how about these: pay phone. Can’t figure out that either? How about carrier pigeon? Don’t think you can take the time to get off the road and call? C’mon, you’re allready 90 minutes late: Do you think the extra five will make a big?

Sheeze!

Of course, if you do provide a verifiable good excluse (hospital receipts are good), I’ll likely forgive you, but don’t do it again.

[Climbs down from soapbox]

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(rant meme) Since When Did They Annoint *You* Princess?

[This rant is a result of a request in response to my rant meme by deedeebythebay. She asked for a rant on “on the uptight behavior of normally well behaved nine year old girls who go through stages of thinking they are God and can be rude to everyone around them.” Do you want a rant? Then reply to the rant meme. Lastly, please note that this is not a rant about my daughter, who has been behaving pretty well lately.]

[Climbs up on soapbox, clears throat, and begins]

OK, Small Child. Yes, I did say “small”, and I did say “child”. Get that: you’re a child, not a princess, not a supervisor, and certainly, not G-d. In fact, the authority structure is the other way around: From your point of view, I am King, for as they say, “I helped bring you into this world, I can certainly help take you out of it.”

Before I go further, please know that I do love you, always and unconditionally. I may not like your behaviour sometimes, but you I love.

I know you can be good. I’ve seen you do it. I’ve seen you be polite to other people. I’ve seen that you have the capability to care about others. I’ve even seen you clean your room. And I remember when you are good. Yes, I remember everything. This is why it galls me so much when you revert to being a 2-year old. Whine whine whine. Ordering me around, demanding that I take care of you whilst you lift nary a finger. “Oh yes, your highness, I’ll do it at once.” Not!

You want me to be nice to you. You want me not to scream at you. You want me not to order you around. You want me to treat you like a person, with respect. Well, it’s a two-way street missy! You want respect? Then treat me that way. I’ll be glad to treat you as a person, within boundaries, of course… after all, I do have to do a certain amount of unreasonable demands to keep my state-issued parenting license—c’mon, our governor, after all, is Jorgen von Strangle. So if you want respect, you treat me with respect.

Until then, I’m going to take a lesson from you. You say I don’t listen. Well, I do. You can now deal with my demands, child. Right now, I’m going to bed and getting some sleep. You get to figure out dinner on your own. Oh, and by the way, you’ve lost all privileges (except breathing) until I see a change in your behaviour.

So, what do I suggest you do? Well, I’ll be polite, and not suggest what I’m thinking. Go take a shower, find yourself something to eat, and go to your room and think for a bit. You’re smart: I’m sure you’ll figure out something.

[Climbs down from soapbox]

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(meme) Rant Meme

[No, I’m not spending all morning at LJ. There were a few things I wanted to post, but I didn’t want to do it in a bunch, so I’ve queued them up in semagic to go out in dribs whilst I work away.]

This morning, we have a simple scrambled meme with buttered toast, prepared by patgund. However, he didn’t prepare it right, so I’m going to rant at him about it and send it back to the memchen. 🙂

  1. Comment with almost any subject that you would like me to rant on, with possible swearing involved. Any subject – I don’t even have to agree with it.
  2. Watch my journal for your rant.
  3. Post this in your own journal, so that you may rant for others.

Caveat: I reserve the right to publically rant about some topics, so depending on the topic, the rant might be restricted access.

Now, while you go come up with subjects, I’ll go find the soapbox in the closet, and get it cleaned.

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