An Un-Orthodox Concern

userpic=tallitThis summer, our daughter (with her cousin) is very likely going to Israel on a Birthright Israel trip. In general, I think this is a good thing. Birthright Israel, in the large, is a good group. Erin never had the extensive Jewish summer camp experience that I did, and she had bad experiences with the plastic people sometimes found in Reform congregations.

The trip she is going on is coordinated by Israel Free Spirit. I’ve looked through their pages and they seem a reasonable group. They appear to be OU (Orthodox Union) sponsored. IFS does their trips in conjunction with a number of partners. In particular, Erin’s trip would be done in conjunction with the Southern California Jewish Awareness Movement (JAM). JAM is active on a number of Southern California campuses, including UCSB where her cousin is a sophomore.

Here’s our concern: JAM is an off-shoot of Aish Ha-Torah, and IFS is an OU organization. We’re Reform. These are on almost different ends of the practice and belief spectrum (although there are further outliers on both ends). We’ve discussed this with our rabbi, and she’s pushed for a Kesher Birthright trip, which is under the auspices of the Reform movement. Erin wants no part of that; she wants to do the trip with her cousin. As I noted earlier, Erin has had bad experiences with the larger Reform congregations, mostly resulting from the nature of the teens that tend to be present in such congregations (i.e., teens more concerned with status and where you go to school than actual learning).

I’m troubled about the trip for two reasons, neither of which are insurmountable and both of which are probably more on me and my psyche than anything else.

The first is that I’m worried about any hidden agendas by the coordinating groups (this has likely been magnified due to the concerns about non-Kesher trips from our Rabbi). Part of this is due to the fact that when searching on the rabbi organizing the trip (Rabbi Zaret), this article came up.* I’m very sensitive to the groups that often have hidden agendas or exert pressure on college students (I have strong memories of this happening on campus back when I was at UCLA in the late 1970s). Last night I had a discussion with Rabbi Zaret, who was very nice and gracious on the phone. He indicated that their group was bound by the strictures of Birthright, which dictates a pretty fixed agenda and tour program. He indicated that the groups that go under JAM-auspices are primarily secular and that the program they run is primarily secular. He indicated there is nothing particularly religious on their Birthright trips. They do make some slight changes, such as visiting an Israeli Olympic Museum, because Rabbi Zaret knows the widow of one of the people killed in the 1972 Olympic Village shootings. He was going to send me some material on the program they do, and I’m going to see if I can talk to some of the students who have done their program in previous years to see if there was any undue pressure. He also indicated that JAM does a separate 3-week trip that is more religious and involves more learning, but the Birthright trip is not that trip. I felt reasonably reassured regarding this concern after talking to Rabbi Zaret, although I’d still like to talk to some people who participated in previous years as confirmation.
[*: I’ll note that, other than that one article, I have seen nothing negative about the organization, so it is likely an outlier.]

[ETA #1: This Yelp writeup is interesting, and also helps allay fears — although I’m curious about the mentioned evening discussions. I also found this 8 tips post interesting. There is also this page with responses from people who went on JAM’s 3-week program, but I’m guessing the 10 day program is less intense.]

[ETA #2: My wife spoke with a rabbi at our congregation today at a Torah study; the rabbi indicated that going with a modern Orthodox group actually might be good for Erin, so I’m feeling a little better on this aspect.]

The second thing bothering me (and in some sense, it is bothering me more) is the question of why am I bothered at all. After all, if you know me and my history with both the Soc.Culture.Jewish FAQ and the Liberal Judaism Mailing List you know that I believe in respecting all Jewish movements.* I’ve never been one to beat up on Orthodoxy. I have quite a few Orthodox friends with whom I have great discussions — we each respect each other and can discuss religion without OCR arguments**. I have no problem with Orthodox beliefs as long as practice is consistent with those beliefs; I believe Judaism supports the different streams. I regularly follow Orthodox discussions (including modern Orthodox folks such as Mayim Bialik) and am on a number of Orthodox mailing lists. Further, both OU and Aish HaTorah are on the modern Orthodox side of the spectrum, not that Charedi side. This is a much more reasonable version of Orthodoxy than the stereotypical image often projected. Going even further, it is very unlikely that my daughter, who has never been that religious and has been relatively skeptical towards religion, would be swayed over to Orthodoxy in a 10-day trip. She might be swayed into some increased practice, increased belief, or increased Jewish connection (which wouldn’t be a bad thing), but moving to a true Orthodox position (i.e., that the Torah is 100% God-given and we follow every word simply because it is God-given) takes more than a simple trip. Going even even further, even if she went Orthodox, at least we would know she is going out with Jewish boys :-).
[*: In fact, I read over this post many times just to make sure I wasn’t creating an implied dig at my Orthodox co-religionists.]
[**: “OCR arguments” refers to the name-calling between Jewish movements that discussions often devolved to in the days of soc.culture.jewish on USENET]

Still… still… it bothers me, and I’m bothered for being bothered. It’s making me question my stated tolerance and acceptance — why is it OK for someone else but not for my daughter? I guess this is the parental aspect coming in: you want to protect your children, but here the question is really: protecting from what? Why do I believe that secular program run by a modern Orthodox organization is something from which protection is required? As I said above, this is not a problem with the program, but with my psyche.

I decided to write this up because writing things out often helps me sort through the issues. We’re going to be talking some more with the Reform rabbi that expressed concern, plus I plan to talk to some additional Rabbinic friends to see if I can put my mind at ease. I’d welcome your thoughts as well — especially if you have experience with Birthright, Birthright trips, or any of the organizations involved with this trip.


7 Replies to “An Un-Orthodox Concern”

  1. From what I understand OU is quite solidly trustworthy, and Aish is pretty good. (I got a creepy vibe from a single rabbi at Aish in Toronto, once, but other than that it’s all been positive.) The organizers of the trip have to meet the Birthright requirements, so I don’t see cause for alarm.

    But I can understand why you would be. This is a trip organized by people whose basic worldview is rather different from yours, and that’s a cause of concern. But it’s not *totally* different; it’s not like it’s a Christian mission or something. And folks her age are going to explore new ideas anyway; wouldn’t you rather there be some structure available for any exploration she does in those ten days?

    Also, as I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, *practice* is different from *belief*. I wouldn’t be surprised if she experiments with some traditional practices; she wouldn’t be the first. I would be very surprised if she comes back with very different beliefs.

    Good luck!

  2. I not only seem to have more faith in your daughter’s resilience than you do, but I also have more faith in your job in raising her to be appropriately questioning and analytical than you’re giving yourself credit for.

    Frankly, she’s probably being exposed to more strange and threatening ideas just by being living in Berkeley than she’ll encounter on a highly scheduled trip to Israel.

  3. In private email, a good friend of mine noted:

    Thinking about it more, now that I saw the following on your blog: “As I noted earlier, Erin has had bad experiences with the larger Reform congregations, mostly resulting from the nature of the teens that tend to be present in such congregations (i.e., teens more concerned with status and where you go to school than actual learning).”

    You might have to choose between your daughter experimenting with other movements and their approaches to Judaism, and her alienation from the whole spectrum altogether. I agree with your assessment that IFS and JAM are likely viewing this trip as an opportunity for “kiruv”. I just wonder what your other choices are, and whether this might be the choice for her that you can best live with.

    To this, I responded:

    I think you’re right — even Rabbi Shawna today said it might be a good thing for her. Now I’m just trying to figure out why it made me uncomfortable — after all, you (probably better than most) know how I’ve always strived to be accepting of and able to work with the more traditional folks… so why did the possibility bother me? Sometimes it takes something like this to learn about yourself.

    To which this friend hit the nail on the head:

    I don’t think it takes deep introspection to realize the difference between pluralism and wanting to pass on your own values — including the perception of Judaism you yourself believe in — to your children.

  4. Note: I also wanted to preserve the Facebook discussion here:

    SA: I was involved with a student group in college under the Chasidim. I was never pressured to join them. They said, “Here is how people live in our community. We encourage you to explore Judaism further.” They never said “You should be one of us” or made us feel bad for doing things they don’t do.

    CKVS: I think she’ll have a great time, Dan. Do they have a program for 50+ ex-goys?

    DW: What the heck is a Birthright trip? You visit the hospital where you were born?

    CK: It’s a free trip to Israel Taglit-Birthright Israel:

    LR: My daughter also had a good time.

    DW: “It’s a free trip to Israel “. The price is right.

    CP: It’s a brain-washing session.

    SH: ^lol

    cahwyguy: Just a note for those reading this only on FB… there’s also an excellent comment on the blog itself.

    TS: why not “Taglit”?

    cahwyguy: TS – She is doing a Taglit Birthright. There are different groups that do the trips under the Taglit Birthright umbrella. If you look at the blog post, there’s the link to the specific group she’s going with.

    TS Ok, i’ll look. Thanks.

    1. Luckily in this case, the issue is now moot, as my daughter decided to cancel the trip because she was uncomfortable with where her cousin had moved to religiously, plus she was having concerns as a result of a middle-east history course. I will point her to your article.

Comments are closed.