What I Hate About Funerals

Today, I went to the funeral for my cousin, Nick Faigin. Going to funerals always makes me sad, but not for the reason you might think. Yes, I’m going to miss the person who passed away, but I knew that going in. They are still going to live in my memories. No, the reason I get sad at funerals is that I listen to the eulogies, and then talk to friends afterwards and discover there were all these neat facets to the person that I never knew. For example, today I got to meet all these really need folks from the clubs that Nick promoted. Really neat people, really nice people, really talented people who my cousin touched, and who he did good for. I got to see a side of the person that I wish I had known so much better.

Why is it that we never really learn about all the stuff people do and love and care about until it is too late to do anything about it? If there is one thing that can come out of this, it is the desire to learn more: to reconnect: to realize that people have depths beyond the icebergs we see. There is a gigantic substructure of their life hidden beneath the surface that we never see. So learn about the people you love and care about. Talk to them. Learn what they love and what interests them. Who knows? You might make some new friends and integrate some of the greatness of them into you.

Even if that happens just a little, wouldn’t it be a good thing?

Music: The Perfect Crime (Magnolia Memoir): I Keep Falling*
(*: an artist I met today, thanks to Nick. Here’s a link to Nick’s write-up on the band)

ETA: I also learned one other thing today: In many ways, I’m like Nick. Nick regularly promoted the bands and people that he loved on his blog and on facebook.  I realized today I do the same thing with my theatre reviews and concert reviews. I must remember to dedicate Sunday’s review to Nick.


One Reply to “What I Hate About Funerals”

  1. Nick was a beautiful person and I’m glad that I got to meet and work with him. We were one of those bands, and most of all ……he was (is) a kind ,caring person to all that he meets. We will all miss him.

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