Dress up a monkey in Armani / He may seem precocious and cute / But you still got a chimp in a suit.

Posted onAuthorcahwyguy

I felt that reposting the following song from Dirty Rotten Scoundels was appropos today, in honor of tonight’s State of the Union address:

Dress up a monkey in Armani,
He may seem precocious and cute.
Despite all that primpin’,
You still got a chimp in
a suit.

Teach him the second Verse of “Swanee”
And most of “Moon River” to boot.
Sure people will gape
But you still got an ape
in a suit.

Shprizt him ’til wet
With the Eau de Toilette
And you’re still gonna get
A stench.

Dampen him well
In a quart of Chanel,
It won’t cover the smell.
I should know, I’m French!

     Take him to see Don Giovanni,
Show him Cezanne’s lovely fruit,
Teach him to cook from Escoffier’s book,
He’s still a gorilla en croute
You still got a chimp in a suit.

So you’ve shaved off his fur,
Decked him out in couture
And endowed him with pure
Saviour Fare
You dressed him up fancy
And trained him to dance, he
Remains a chimpan-cee,
He’s not Fred Astaire!

Give him a dandy little topper,
Tie on a natty cravat
Buy him a castle,
He’ll still be an asshole
And nothing you do will change that
He’s still just a stinky little minkey
In a dinky little suit

And a cheap little hat!

Please remember, National Gorilla Suit Day is January 31st. Wear your gorilla suit proudly; if you can’t, wear a business suit and eat a lot of bananas.


Hmmm, I could swear I’ve heard something like that before….

Share