Yesterday was evidently National Coming Out Day, and so I’d like to…. share a few observations with you. No, I’m not gay. But I would like to use the day to get you to think about those who aren’t gay… but people thought they were… and those who might have been gay, but lived in a time where they couldn’t come out.
Story #1: When I was in my teen and college years, I was clueless (some might argue I’m clueless today, but that’s a different question). Although I wasn’t gay and was strongly interested in the opposite sex, there were those who didn’t see it. Perhaps this was because I carried a briefcase in high school and was interested in non-popular music (either cast albums or folk). Perhaps because of my name (which was similar to “fag”). Perhaps because of how I walked. Perhaps I’ll never know the reason. But I was teased in high school, and evidently there were those in college who thought I was gay. Now this is something I never picked up on; I wouldn’t have known about it at all until some folks told me when I was in my late 40s. So, I’d like to use the day to remind everyone to treat people as people, and not to use stereotypes to judge. Not everyone who carries a briefcase in high school or who likes cast albums is gay, no matter what the TV stereotypes might lead you to believe. Teasing and bullying people because you might not like some characteristic you believe them to have is unacceptable—and the pressures on those who are teased are just as bad.
Story #2: Some of you may know that I had a brother who died when I was ten, in the summer of 1970. Recently, I had the occasion to have dinner with his college roomate (who recently wrote an opinion piece in Reform Judaism). He told me that, while in college, my brother came out to him. Now, I have no way of confirming this; further, I don’t think it makes one whit of difference whether he was or wasn’t. More important to me (at least for this story) was the attitude of the times. Even thought this was the “hippie” generation—the BofA at UC Santa Barbara had been burned only a few months earlier—it was not a time where people could come out and be what they were. They had to conform to society’s view of them: have secret girlfriends, and pretend to be something they weren’t. Whether that’s a contributing factor in my brother’s death, I’ll never know. But I would also like to take a minute to remember those who couldn’t come out; those who were forced by society to conform and paid the price in a multitude of ways.
A final observation: In the news right now are the actions of Carl Paladino, candidate for governor of New York. Mr. Paladino has called gay pride parades “disgusting”. Over the weekend, speaking to a group of Orthodox Jewish leaders in Brooklyn, he said children should not be “brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option — it isn’t.” This behavior is abhorrant. This is not acceptable. Whatever our leaders’ personal beliefs, government should not be discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation, and those that believe it should need to be reminded of this at the ballot box.
