Observations Along the Road

Theatre Writeups, Musings on the News, Rants and Roadkill Along the Information Superhighway

Birthday Wishes for mortuus and larymotrmn

Written By: cahwyguy - Sun Jul 02, 2006 @ 6:40 am PDT

Allright everyone, let’s gather in front of our large, 13″, Black and White TV set, and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John, and says: “Our first birthday dedication today goes out to a delightful young lady living in the land of green-soon-to-be-blue suiters in the open expanses of Utah, Miss mortuus.” The Sheriff strums his accordion, and starts singing:

Once a year we celebrate
With stupid hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
Another trip around the sun

And the whole clan gathers round
And gifts and laughter do abound
And we let out a joyful sound
And sing that stupid song

Happy birthday!
Now you’re one year older!
Happy birthday!
Your life still isn’t over!
Happy birthday!
You did not accomplish much
But you didn’t die this year
I guess that’s good enough

So let’s drink to your fading health
And hope you don’t remind yourself
The chance of finding fame and wealth
Decrease with every year

Does it feel like you’re doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer

Happy birthday!
What have you done that matters?
Happy birthday!
You’re starting to get fatter
Happy birthday!
It’s downhill from now on
Try not to remind yourself
Your best years are all gone

If cryogenics were all free
Then you could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice

But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
And though it hasn’t ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might

Happy birthday!
You wish you had more money
Happy birthday!
Your life’s so sad it’s funny
Happy birthday!
How much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry
So just cut the stupid cake

We then have a commercial for Farmer John Hot Dogs (sponsor of the show). After the commercial, the Sheriff is back, but he is now dressed in a bright green silk uniform (with antique military buttons). He says, “Our next birthday dedication is for Mr. larymotrmn, a friend of mine from Orange Empire Railway Museum, where they preserve the transportation I used to ride to the KTTV studios“. He puts on a pair of oval wire-rim glasses, sets down his accordion and picks up an electric guitar, and starts singing:

You say it’s your birthday
It’s my birthday too–yeah
They say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party.

    I would like you to dance–Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance–Birthday
Dance

I would like you to dance–Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance–Birthday

    You say it’s your birthday
Well it’s my birthday too–yeah
You say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

[Please remember, if you fill out the updated poll in this posting, I can make sure you get the birthday song you want.]

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